"This is for your birthday AND Christmas!"

December 22. The first day of the Zodiac Sign "Capricorn". It is also Winter Solstice, the first day of Winter. It just so happens to be the shortest day of the year as well. Maybe that's another reason as to why I always get shorted when it comes to birthday gifts. Yes, along with these events, I, Myron Marquis Abernathy, began my wonderful existence on December 22, 1982, somewhere between 10pm and midnight that night. Just a few short days before Christmas.

As I realize that I have exactly two weeks left before my 28th birthday, I must mentally prepare myself for the negative side-effects that come with being born on such a glorious day. You see, most people have at least a month of a cushion, if not more, of time between their birthday and good ol' Christmas Day. Even if you're not showered with gifts on either of those days, you don't really have to worry about those two days running into each other and end up getting what I like to call a "combo gift." Unfortunately, for my fellow December babies and I, people look at the fact that we're born so close to Christmas and decide to lump those days together.

Now, I can understand if someone's birthday is precisely the same day as Christmas. People would have an excuse (although a very shady one) to hand that person just one gift, saying to them "This is for your birthday and Christmas." I still sympathize with these unfortunate souls, however. If your birthday is anywhere close to Christmas (heck, even if it's a few days after), people still seem to count it as being on Christmas. But we shouldn't have to suffer for it.

Here's my beef with the whole thing. First of all, although I like receiving gifts on Christmas day as much as the next person, Christmas is not about me. It is about celebrating the fact that Jesus Christ was born. Second, my birthday is not on Christmas Day. Whether my birthday is 3 days before or 100 days before, it is not on the same day. There is no need to associate my birthday with Christmas. If you associate my birthday with Christmas, it is because you wanted to. For someone to hand me one gift and say "This is for your birthday and Christmas," that lets me know that said person was trying to take advantage of the proximity of dates, saying to one's self: "His birthday is so close Christmas, I can get over on him and only get him one gift." For any ladies reading this, imagine for a moment that your birthday is on Valentine's day. Would you let your significant other get by with just getting you one present and saying it's for both? Don't worry, I'll wait... Yeah. I didn't think so.

Don't get me wrong, it's not about the gifts to me. As Big Worm said at the end of "Friday", It's the principal of the whole thang. It's principalities in this. Honestly, if someone were to get me only one gift and say it was for my birthday, leaving it at that, I'd be fine. I really don't care what the gift is. It could be a simple birthday card, or even a hug for that matter. Just don't tell me that it's supposed to count for both days. Even if you don't get me a gift and you just simply tell me "Happy Birthday," I'm cool with that. I very much appreciate it. Just don't try to cram it all together, saying "Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas."

I'm equally conflicted if I should so happen to plan a birthday party or get-together for myself. Now, if there is any day where you're allowed to be the least bit selfish, it's your birthday, right? I shouldn't have to plan my birthday around other people. I mean, after all, it is my birthday, right? Unfortunately, being that my birthday is so close to Christmas, if I expect anyone to be at said birthday party, I pretty much have to cater to other people's schedules. Most people are probably already headed out of town to spend time with their families by the time my birthday rolls around. I can't realistically expect anyone to put me before their families. My mom has it just as bad; her birthday is on New Year's Eve. She's decided that she doesn't want a birthday party unless it is not on her birthday. Why? Because if it is on the night of her birthday, it will eventually stop being a birthday party for her and transition into a New Year's Eve party, whether it's planned that way or not.

So, please do be considerate of those who happen to be born in the month of December, especially if their day of birth has a two-digit number beginning with a "2". I mean, we had no control over the fact that our parents decided to do what they did nine months before Christmas. I'm pretty sure if we were conscious enough while in our mother's womb and knew what we were about to get into, we'd have either pushed ourselves out early or held onto the umbilical cord until January rolled around. But of course, this was beyond both our power and comprehension. We are forever both blessed and cursed by our time of birth.

Chick Flicks & Salsa

"Chick Flicks & Salsa"
10.13.10


Even if you're a guy and you can't stand chick flicks, you've undoubtedly heard of the infamous movie and the book that it's based on, "He's Just Not That Into You." Being the inquisitive young man that I am, I've never shied away from books and magazines that were aimed towards helping women understand men. I figured, knowing what people are telling women about us men will do nothing but help. And hey, maybe I just might learn something about myself along the way. Anyway, I never got around to skimming the book during my many episodes of killing a few hours inside of Barnes & Noble or Borders. So, when I was flipping through the channel guide one night and found "He's Just Not That Into You" about to start, I thought "Eh... Why the heck not?" Yes, I do realize that my man-card is in danger of being suspended for admitting that I've watched this movie. Fellas, you'll have to forgive me for that one.

I will admit that I actually did enjoy the movie. I was both amused and irritated by what went down during the course of the story. For fear of allowing this blog entry to turn into a movie review or a personal rant about what's wrong with the state of male-female communication, I will elaborate on only one particular scene (0:00 - 2:40, http://youtu.be/mu7hgX-vzxc). Alex has explained to Gigi several times throughout the movie that if a guy is indeed "into her", he will make it clear without her having to do any guess work. However, Gigi mis-interprets Alex's advice-giving and other kind gestures as "signs" for them starting a relationship. Alex begins to rant about women constantly reading too deep into everything a guy does and twisting words and actions into something that isn't there. During this rant, he tells Gigi that "If a guy wants to date you, he will make it happen! He will ask you out." Alex had previously said many other similar things to Gigi, albeit with a less harsh delivery.

Ok, by now you're most likely wondering: "What the heck does this have to do with salsa?" Just like every guy has felt the same way that Alex felt at some point in his life, so have I. However, I've also felt this way while dancing. There have been countless times when a move that I attempt goes awry. Being the good lead that I am (or so I'm told), my normal reaction is to take responsibility for it and start with myself. I think to myself, "Ok, what did I do to make that go wrong? How can I lead that so that she gets it next time?" Of course, there are other times where the lady I'm dancing with does something that doesn't even come close to what I think (operative word) I lead. It is during those moments that my mind switches to Alex-mode and I'm thinking "What made you think I was telling you to do that?!?! What made you think I wanted you to turn? Did I tell you to go that way? I wasn't even trying to get you to do anything just now!"

It hit me one day as I was teaching a salsa boot camp. I was explaining to the ladies in the class what their mentality should be as they attempt to follow the guys that they will dance with. Putting myself out there, I made reference to the movie and told the ladies, "If a guy wants you to turn, he'll make you turn." If there are any budding salseras out there who are lost in the turbulent waters of the sea of following, heed my words. Salsa and most other partner dances were built so that the lady, the follower, does not have to think about what's going on. It's not for you to guess, predict, or anticipate what's about to happen. There are no "signs" involved. Don't react to what you see him do; react to what he leads you to do. It is up to the guy you're dancing with, the lead, to make it crystal-clear to you what is going on. If you don't feel lead to do something, if you are unsure, if there is any doubt, if there is any thought process involved with your next action, that means that either he is not leading it correctly, or he is not leading you to do anything at all. As I said earlier, the dance is built for you to do very little thinking, if any at all. Your job is to react. The moment you start thinking about it is usually the moment things start to fall apart.

If you follow this way, this forces the leads to lead clearly and deliberately. This will make them "step their game up", so to speak. Or at least the good ones, anyway. The good leads will do what I spoke of earlier and start with themselves to make sure that the botched move wasn't due to their own lack of technique. The bad leads, however, will most likely blame you for not knowing what you were supposed to do and not even consider the possibility that it could be their fault. As difficult as it may be, just ignore their cocky attitudes and allow it to make you grateful for the good leads out there.

So ladies, as you dance any type of partner dance, let your brain relax for 3-5 minutes and let the guy lead you. Take a break from analyzing everything and just go with the flow. Guys, don't be afraid to watch a chick flick or two. You'll be surprised what you'd learn ;-)

"Just Feel The Music" v 2.0

(A revised version of my original post, "Just Feel the Music")

We've all heard the phrase "just feel the music" in regards to dancing salsa. But what does this phrase really mean? If I'm a beginner in a salsa class and someone tells me to "feel the music," how exactly do I put this into practice? How can I tell when I'm doing it? I think that such a thing as "feeling the music" is a lot easier said than done.

I believe that, while there are some people who say this and know exactly what it means, there are too many more people who say this to others without totally understanding all that it entails. At the risk of over-complicating things, I think that "feeling the music" is not nearly as simple as those who haphazardly use this phrase make it seem. Telling someone to "just feel the music" is about as problematic as telling a beginner salsera to "just follow."

I do believe that one must “feel” the music while dancing. While this is the case with any dance, it is especially so with salsa dancing. It’s been said that the dancer is the missing instrument in salsa music, meaning that if we are truly dancing the way that we are meant to, we are all but literally slaves to the rhythm. The music is not just background noise to be played while we dancers show off. Ideally, we should feel the music so much that a deaf person would be able to see the music by watching us dance. Whether the music is fast or slow; calm or intense, our dancing should reflect that. To completely ignore the music defeats the purpose of it even being there at all.

“Feeling” the music is a must. It has to be achieved if one is to truly dance. However, I dare to say that there is no such thing as to “just feel the music.” As I said earlier, I feel too many people say that without really knowing what they’re talking about. It’s been my experience that those who utter that phrase subscribe to the belief that “there’s no 1-2-3, 5-6-7” in salsa music, and many other similar ideas. Some think that to count the music makes you robotic, losing the feeling of the dance. While this may be true for some who have not yet learned how to appropriately break the rules of structure that the count provides, it is not the count itself that does this. Every type of music, salsa included, can be counted. If you are dancing on beat, regardless of whether you choose to count, you are dancing on a count. It may not be On1 or On2; it could be on the “and” between 4 and 5, or on 3.14. If you are dancing on beat, you are on a count, whether you like it or not.

To the many who try to downplay the use of counting music, consider for a moment our beloved salsa music that we yearn to dance to. Those musicians count their music. In the words of “The Unlikely Salsero” Don Baarns, “Music ain’t random.” It has structure. No matter how dynamic or unconventional a song is, it has structure. The count is the structure of this music. A band has to count its music the same so that each member can be on the same page, or else musical chaos ensues. When each band member is playing his or her role and instrument, doing something different from one another that still somehow gels together into the beautiful sounds we hear, the count is the common ground that they all return to. I dare anyone to try to convince a legitimate musician or band not to count because it’s not important. The members of the band cannot simply “feel” the music. Each band member thinks differently and has a different personality, and therefore will not feel or interpret the music the same as the next. If each member only relied on his or her “feeling”, the song would be an un-danceable mess. This is no different for us in this partner dance we call salsa. If you are dancing with another person, you are dealing with another mind, another personality that will not feel the music the same way that you do, not to mention the fact that person is of the opposite gender (but that’s another story). The count is there so that you both will be able to be on the same page, the same way that the members of a band would. If the musicians that produce the music we dance to feel that counting is important, why shouldn't we?

I mentioned before that many believe learning to count music lends itself to becoming a robotic dancer without passion or feeling. I believe this to be true only if you allow it to be. It is not the count itself that produces a dancer with no “flava”. As I mentioned earlier, it is when people fail to learn how to break the rules that they become emotionless dancers. One must learn how to put one's own personality and sabor into the dance, learning when and when not to stray from the structure of “1-2-3, 5-6-7” or “step here, step there.” This is where musicality comes into play. It takes practice to learn how music operates in order to be able to predict and react to the changes in the music. However, even that is not enough. Having an understanding of it in your head is one thing, but it's a completely different ballgame trying to move your body to what has been processed in your head. Understanding the music without having control of your body is like having a story to tell but not possessing the vocabulary to vividly illustrate your vision to someone else. This is why body movement is important as well. Proper balance, body isolations, and muscle control are all useful and necessary tools to a dancer. Understanding and interpreting the music as well as being able to move your body to your liking is what I believe “feeling the music” is all about, not just some cop-out against learning to count music.

Rules of Rejection

"Rules of Rejection"
9.24.10

They say that nothing is certain in life but death and taxes. While that is true, I'd like to add one more to the list of life's certainties: Rejection.

Why rejection? Because we've all been told "no" at some point in our lives. It's one of the first words we hear as young children, no matter how spoiled we were. This rings no truer than when dealing with the opposite gender. I'm not at all trying to say that the female side of the fence has the greener grass, but this is especially the case for us guys. Even with the drastic changes in culture and gender roles, guys must still face the task of approaching a woman --for whatever reason-- and risking rejection. We could make the argument that fearing rejection is petty, or that it's not that big of a deal. However, regardless of what side of that argument you fall on, I'd have a hard time believing you if you told me you actually like being told "no", aside from maybe using it as motivation to keep going after it until it changes to a "yes."

As one could imagine, the concept of rejection is an unavoidable element in the world of salsa dancing, considering the fact that it is a partner dance between two people of opposite genders. Unless you're in a city where the women ask the men to dance dance due to the salsa scene being very follow-heavy (if anyone knows which cities these are, please inform me so that I can visit), the men typically ask the women to dance. Whether you're out for your first night of dancing and you just had your first lesson 15 minutes ago, or you've been dancing for years and your last name happens to be Vasquez or Torres, you're inevitably going to experience your fair share of rejection.

There are a myriad of reasons as to why a lady would say "no" to your invitation to dance, as seen in the above illustration; some of them legit, some of them not. Again, that is another blog in and of itself that we won't get into right now. I'm long-winded enough already. Anyway, though it may take some of us longer than others, those of us who are smart will mature in our handling of rejections and eventually learn to take them in stride. We learn not to take them personal even on those rare (or not) moments when it really is personal, and we move on to the next lady.

During my early days as a salsero when I wasn't so mature in my rejection handling, I would allow a "no" to negatively affect my night. My "salsa-emotions", as I would call them, would rise and fall throughout the night. Back when I didn't know any better, I would go to venues such as Loca Luna and the original Havana Club in Atlanta to --albeit, unsuccessfully-- get my "salsa fix". I would soon realize that these venues weren't necessarily salsero-friendly. Yes, they did indeed play the salsa music that I love dancing to, but these venues catered more towards the meet-market crowd; people who came to smoke, drink, hang out, and... well, you now... "meet" people (translate "meet" in whichever way you see fit). Because of the type of crowd, I would get turned down for dances at least a third, if not half the time. Though they would still sting, it wasn't the individual rejections that would ruin my mood (unless they were particularly rude ones). It would be the repeated or frequent rejections that piled up over time that would eventually depress me. On top of that, at the end of the night I would feel like I'd wasted both my time and my money, as I was unable to spend most of my time doing what I came to do, which was dance. Though I'll down a bottle of Smirnoff Ice (aka hard Sprite) or a margarita every other-blue moon, I've never been much of a drinker, so I wasn't there for that. I wasn't there to hang out either. And I definitely wasn't going to pay to do either when I could easily do both with better company, and for free.

As time passed, I eventually found salsa socials and other venues that were made by salsa dancers for salsa dancers. Of course, my salsa skills also progressed, so add the two together and my rejection rate steadily dropped. However, getting rejected, while not as frequent, was still inevitable, and I still hadn't learned how to be smart about them. Getting a simple "no" or "no, thank you" wasn't so bad. With those, I knew where I stood. Being the naive and trusting (sometimes to a fault) person that I was, it was those "not yeses" that would kill me. Some women would say "not right now, maybe later" or "I'm taking a break right now" or "give me a few minutes". Because I would take their words literally instead of considering the possibility that they really meant "no", I would continue to go back to those same ladies and ask them a 2nd or 3rd time, setting myself up for further rejection.

I eventually decided to wise up and develop rules for myself in regards to having my invitations to dance rejected. When I put these rules into practice, I do not do so out of revenge, bitterness, or spite towards those doing the rejecting. Just as it usually isn't personal when a lady says no to a guy who asks her to dance, it's nothing personal when I decide to carry out these rules. They're just my way of ensuring that I don't allow myself to get into a mood that will ruin my night.

So, here are my rules for moving on from rejections:

1) "No/No, Thank You". If I get a simple "no", I won't ask her to dance again that night. This may sound harsh to some, but I figure if a woman plainly says "no," she's not too worried about whether or not I'm going to come back and ask her again later. There's nothing in that answer that would imply that she would change her mind later (after all, "no" does mean "no", right?). If she really would like me to come back later, she'll make that clear. Now, I will wipe the slate clean and ask her again the next time I see her, but if this happens repeatedly, I will place her on my "It's a waste of time to ask her to dance" list, indefinitely. I will be nice and polite to her otherwise, but I won't ask her to dance. Granted, I have only had one woman ever make it on that list, but the rule is in place nonetheless.

2) A "Not Yes". A "not yes" is any answer/excuse that is not necessarily a "no", but still results in us not dancing to the current song. This may be something like "not right now, I'm tired/my feet hurt/I'm thirsty", or "I don't like this song" or anything along those lines that may have a hint of a chance that you might say "yes" later. Or it maybe something that more clearly conveys an intent to dance, such as "Not right now, but save me one later!" or "I'm tired, but come get me on the next song." In either case, I will come and ask her again if I get around to her. I don't mean to sound cocky or arrogant in saying that, but I had to realize that I've improved to the point where the majority, if not all, of the salseras in my scene like dancing with me, so there's no need to spend time chasing any one woman. Unless the male/female ratio of a particular scene is ridiculously lopsided out of the guy's favor, I think all guys should have this mentality, regardless of his skill level. If a guy's goal is to dance with as many ladies as possible and have a good time, he shouldn't waste time worrying about the few who won't readily dance with him, as there are too many other ladies who are ready and willing. (Please forgive me if my wording here causes you to forget that we're talking about salsa dancing here.) The key to this rule, however, is that two "not yeses" from a lady on the same night counts as one "no", and at that point I refrain from asking her again until the next time I see her. Though it maybe tempting to do so, I do not make exceptions to this rule for ladies who are my friends, or for so-called "salsa-celebrities." I figure, if the lady in question is as close a friend as I think she is, after the 2nd "not yes", she'll make it a point to come get me, or better yet, she won't make me have to ask twice in the first place. As far as salsa-celebs go, I've learned that I can get just as good of a dance from another lady who is not quite as famous, so there's no need to chase a celeb just to say "I've danced w/ such-and-such."

Honestly, I do have to remind myself of my own rules from time to time. Left to my own devices, my old unconfident and insecure self will creep back in every once in a while and cause me to seek validation by getting those girls who rejected me to eventually say yes, when my more sensible self would know better. Not only is this a waste of time and energy, but I've found that every time that I've gotten someone who wouldn't dance w/ me before to finally dance with me, it's never been worth it. Nothing against the dancing ability of said ladies --I've had decent if not better dances with them-- but the quality of those dances just didn't live up to the amount of effort I put into getting them.

I hope that this helps any salseros (and even salseras... Cool points to those of you who aren't too afraid or proud to step out of your comfort zone and ask the guys to dance every now and then) that are reading this, and that you can learn from my experiences in getting (or not getting) dances. As I said before, try to remember that rejections are usually not personal, and you're better off just moving on to the next person. I do realize, however, that some of us may have a harder time shaking off the brief feeling of disappointment nonetheless. That is when you have to set up your own rules and boundaries to keep you from self-destructing on an otherwise joy and salsa-filled night.

PCD: Post Congress Depression

"Post Congress Depression"
8.30.10

Yep. It's Monday. Again. Just the thought of Monday is enough to depress most people. However, for me, this particular Monday is depressing for more than the usual reasons. I'm suffering from a disorder that we salser@s call "Post Congress Depression", or PCD for short.

I can't say that I came up with the term, but I can relate to it as much as the next salser@. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, it is a condition that occurs after attending a salsa congress or any other large-scale salsa event. The main idea of PCD isn't exclusive to salsa congresses, however. We all experience something similar on a 3-day weekend out of town or on vacation. You feel like you're outside of reality for a while; on an island or in a bubble of sorts, shielded from all the monotony, stress and madness you'd otherwise experience at home. That drive or plane ride home is always depressing and somber because you realize that the inevitable has finally arrived: it all had to end sooner or later.

Salsa Congresses (or, as in my most recent episode, a salsa retreat) add a completely different dynamic to the whole end-of-vacation crash. You've experienced brain-overload from attending numerous workshops, witnessed jaw-dropping performances, and had amazing dances from some of the best dancers in the world for a whole weekend. You've met new friends and caught up with old friends from congresses past. You've partied till the sun came up and slept in late. Then, all of a sudden, it hits you. You realize that you soon have to leave this place of salsa euphoria and go back home. Back to the real world. Back to work, bills, kids, or whatever other issues you didn't give a millisecond of thought to because you were so busy losing yourself on the dancefloor.

PCD affects every salsaholic in various degrees, and at different times. Maybe PCD hits you when the promoters queue the lights at 4am on Sunday night-slash-Monday morning, chanting the familiar line of "you ain't gotta go home, but you gotta get the heck outta HERE." Maybe it hits you when you realized it will be months, if not longer, before you get another dance with your new salsa crush with whom you had that blissful dance on Saturday night. Maybe PCD starts to set in during the day on Sunday, when you realize that you only have one more night left before it all ends. Maybe it hits you when you realize you had one drink too many on Sunday night and forgot that you didn't take Monday off from work. Or, maybe you're completely oblivious of it for a few days, and it doesn't hit you until you're back home at your local salsa scene, and you're no longer surrounded by such a high concentration of amazing dancers.

As I stated earlier, I was on the heels of a week-long salsa retreat, so I had an extra dose of PCD that went down about as easy as a tablespoon of castor-oil. (Those of you who had old-school grandmothers armed with a cabinet full of home remedies know how dreadful that tastes.) I spent a week taking about 4-5 classes per day, filled with spin drills, styling, body control/posturing, sick choreography and footwork, and all among the company of some beautiful new friends, inside and out. Oh, and don't even get me started on all the wacky randomness and laughs we all shared. We even had a meet and greet that of course was a salsaholics-anonymous meeting in disguise. It was like a reality show with all the positives and none of the negatives. Well, unless of course you consider the fact that we all swore we heard Jason Vorhees' voice every time we stepped out of our cabins. Anyway, somewhere between Thursday evening and mid-day Friday, PCD began to rear its ugly head. We slowly came to grips w/ the fact that it was all going to end pretty soon. Yeah, we knew it would, but that didn't make it any less sad. Hey, when you get to leave behind everything else and spend any length of time doing nothing but what you love and doing it with others who feel the same, you can't help but wish it wouldn't end. But end, it must. Ah, well... life must, and does go on. Gotta work to feed the addiction. AHEM, um... I mean, pay the bills. Hey, say it how you like. Whatever helps you sleep better at night.

So there you have it, PCD. The epitome of our salsa addiction. We overdose on our drug of choice, knowing we have one huge salsa-hangover waiting for us once we get home. Yes, one other semi-depressing thing a congress does is leave you craving the next one. When you get to do it all over again. :-)

SMOOVEisms

Original quotes and random facts about your favorite salsaholic ;-)


"That's Beautiful." (My all-purpose phrase for anything good, bad, funny, tragic, etc.)

- I never gave any thought to dancing before I found salsa. I was quite the wall-flower (or, wall-weed since I'm a guy) prior to salsa, and had serious stage fright.

"Off tha chain like a free slave!"


- I was born on the first day of winter (In 1982, Winter solstice was Dec. 22). Maybe that's why, if forced to choose between the two, I'd choose to be too cold instead of too hot.

"Fresh breath is VERY underrated..."

- I was a very picky eater as a child. I wouldn't eat sandwiches, chicken, or fish, and I would only eat the toppings off of my pizza, leaving the crust. All that has changed, of course.

"Put some STANK on it!"

- I eat my burger before my fries. One day I realized that pretty much everyone else does the opposite.

"You got more issues than a magazine stand."

- I eat my cereal dry on purpose. However, I will drink milk as a beverage along w/ it, but only strawberry or chocolate.

"You'll never look good until you're not afraid to look stupid"

- I have a large dark birthmark that resembles freckles on my left arm that goes from the edge of my shoulder to just above my elbow. There is also a small stray dot of it that somehow made it to my right forearm.

"Being lead by your heart is like being lead by a Magic 8-Ball"

- I have an older half-brother that I've known for about 2 and a half years now. However, one would think that I was the half-brother out of the 3 of us, since I'm the only male in the family under 200 lbs, and I look everything like my mom and nothing like my dad.

"There's a reason why your windshield is bigger than your rear-view mirror."

- My name is indirectly a Biblical name. It is Greek for Myrrh, which is the scent that they gave baby Jesus as a gift. I've also seen it translated to mean "sweet smelling oil/balm" or "fragrant oil", which, in layman's terms would mean "cologne."

"Your dancing should reflect the music you're dancing to; so much that a deaf person would be able too see what the music would look like by watching you dance."

- My initials are MMA, which is funny since I am a big UFC fan (MMA = Mixed Martial Arts)

"Dancing is when your body says things that you never knew you wanted to say. You express things that words would never be able to describe."

- I'm very "anti-cliche". Meaning, if "everybody and they momma" likes/does/wears something, there's a good chance that I won't, simply for that reason. For example, if I see both Beyonce and Amerie at the mall and could only choose one autograph, I'm going straight for Amerie.


"Dance like no one is watching. But, if someone IS watching, you might as well give them a reason to keep watching!"

- Everything else in my room could be a complete and utter mess, but my DVDs and PS3 games will all be in order and in their correct cases. You won't find any of my discs laying bare and face down anywhere, nor will you open up the case for one movie/game and find the wrong disc in it.

"God and science do not oppose or contradict each other. Science is what happens when God decides to let mankind take a peak at his blueprints."

- When I was younger, I thought that my favorite color was purple. This was actually my mom's doing, because everything she bought me (bookbag, pencil boxes, scissors, etc.) was purple, due to the fact that my dad pledged Omega Psi Phi. I have obviously rebelled since then.

"A little bit of craziness helps keep the insanity away."

- I like women of all heights, but for some strange reason I have a thing for tall women. Not taller than me, of course. Somewhere in the 5'5 - 5'9 range. Don't ask me why, I'm still trying to figure that one out.


"I've come to appreciate randomness in its appropriate doses."

- I have a weird form of jealousy. If I am attracted to you in any capacity (I don't even necessarily have to like you romantically) and another guy is getting more attention from you than I am, I get jealous. I'm able to keep from showing it 'cause I know its all in my head, but it's there all the same.

"The things that people DON'T say or fail to say often speak so much louder than the things they actually say."

- I'm a big fan of the Horror Movie genre, especially ones that are deep and intricate and have good plot twists. I'm actually more likely to laugh during a horror movie than be scared by one. I'm still looking for a movie that can really scare me. Yeah, I might just be slightly sick in the head...

"If the dancefloor were a highway, we'd all be DEAD."

- I can't stand when people chew w/ their mouths open. That is the most annoying sound to me.

"Love is like a highway: all the signs are obvious, but we only acknowledge them when they're convenient for us."

- I'm a conflict avoider and can't stand to have anyone mad at me. I don't feel right if I even THINK you're mad at me. I hate being in conflicts, so when one actually occurs, I go out of my way to resolve it, even if I know it's not my fault.

"Some people are a trip. Others, however, are an all-expenses-paid vacation. You just gotta figure out if they're worth the time off."

- I can't stand country music, but I can recite "Goodbye Earl" by the Dixie Chix by heart.

"Your mind & heart should work together, running checks and balances on each other. Never make decisions w/out input from both."

- I'm fiercely loyal to my home sports teams. I support my Hawks and Falcons, regardless of their records. Yes, I was down w/ them before they started doing well. I figure, if you're gonna be a fan, be a true fan, not one who only supports when it's convenient. Atlanta has too many fair weather fans.


"It's hot as fish grease outside..."

- I have a huge fascination with big cats, especially black panthers (no militant or racial influence there, I promise). I don't really care for Lions too much, though. They remind me of the types of people who always have to have an entourage of people around them, giving off that arrogant or unapproachable vibe.

If The Dancefloor Was a Highway...

...we'd all be DEAD.

That's the conclusion I've come to recently in regards to my adventures in salsa land. While the overall issue here is something that I've noticed for quite some time, only recently have I made this connection. What issue am I speaking of? Lack of floorcraft on the dancefloor.

What is floorcraft, you ask? I must apologize to those of you who are reading this blog; if you have to ask what that is, I fear that it is indeed you who I am complaining about. I promise you, it's nothing personal. Ok, I digress... What is floorcraft? It is the art of keeping a consistent area of space as you dance. Consider a highway for a moment: at any given moment, there are countless cars out there on the highways and interstates. Of course there are many accidents, but the number of people who travel and make it to and from their daily destinations safely far outweighs the number of accidents. Still, accidents --both fatal and non-fatal-- happen every day. I don't have the statistics on it, but I'm sure you could imagine. Why do these accidents happen? There are a plethora of reasons: speeding, weaving in and out of traffic unnecessarily, not staying in one's lane, texting while driving, applying makeup while driving, or just plain not paying attention.

What does this have to do with dancing? While on the road, it is of the utmost importance to pay attention not just to what you're doing and how you're doing it, but to those doing the same thing in your vicinity as well. Any considerable lack of this can and often will result in an accident. The same is the case for the dancefloor. (Ok, I realize that accidents on the dancefloor are no where near as life-threatening as on the road, but work with me here.) Yes, there's alot going on. You're focused on leading or following your partner, depending on your gender. You're making a connection with said partner; after all, you're dancing with her/him, not everyone else in the room. You're dancing to the beat of the music and trying to be in sync with it. You're trying to queue up your moves in your head ahead of time so as not to bore your partner if you're a lead, or trying to fit your styling in while not being lost in your partner's crazy turn patterns if you're a follower.

HOWEVER... All of this must be done while being aware of those doing the exact same thing around you. Or must it? Apparently, not everyone considers this to be necessary. I've been stepped on, bumped into, and elbowed enough times to know this to be true. Now, if you have a huge problem with any of these things happening to you, maybe salsa dancing (or any other partner dance that takes place on a crowded dancefloor) isn't for you. With that said, it's not really the symptoms of this issue that I'm complaining about. These things are bound to happen and I feel that they are small prices to pay for the overall thrill and enjoyment I get from dancing salsa.

What does bother me is the root of this issue, which I feel is a lack of awareness and concern for one's surroundings. Ok, I take that back... just a lack of concern is what irks me. I'm removing lack of awareness because unless you're blind (in which case, I suspect you wouldn't be anywhere near a dancefloor OR in a driver's seat) you are aware of the fact that there are other people in constant movement around you. Since people know that there are others around them dancing, then they must not care. Now, I won't go so far as to say that this is a malicious lack of concern in all cases. I don't think the majority of the dancers out there are thinking to themselves, "Ok, this dancefloor is MINE. I don't give a flyin' flock of birds who is around me; I'm going to take up as much space as necessary for me to do whatever I want, whenever I want. Sucks to be you if you're in my way." I pray that I'm right in assuming that this is not the case with most people.

The fact still remains, however, that although most people aren't purposely being selfish and inconsiderate, they still tend to do things as if no one else is affected. Guys lead moves without considering whether or not they actually have room to do them: spinning their partners into people and dipping them so that their heads come within inches of unexpected head-trauma. Ladies style without restraint, oblivious to the dancers who just happen to be within reach of their outstretched manicured nails or heels. Again, none of this is usually done w/ harmful intent, but the people who do these things behave as if they are in their own little world. Bad thing is, they don't realize that there are many other "own little worlds" around them just waiting to collide with theirs. Ah, when worlds collide...

A salsa friend of mine once joked with me that I should teach a class on protecting one's partner while dancing. I've built a reputation as being someone who puts a premium on keeping his dance partner out of harms way. I laughed at it at first, but after thinking about it more, I wondered if I should seriously consider it. I thought back to the numerous dance classes and workshops that I've taken in my 7+ years of dancing salsa, and I can't remember floorcraft being addressed as anything more than a side-thought. I wish I could say that I could recall someone actually taking time out of a class and expressing how important it is to maintain a consistent area of space while dancing. Granted, On1/LA and On2/NY style salsa are danced in slots, and staying on the slot is emphasized, but it is not necessary to dance on a slot to have good floorcraft (plus, people can tend to make their "slots" extra wide and long). I've seen many a slot-style dancer display horrible floorcraft. Anyway, I do feel like this concept could stand to be stressed a lot more in classes. To take a whole 5-10 minutes out of a class would be a bit much I think (most peoples' attention spans won't allow for it); it would be much more practical to touch on it as other moves and techniques are taught. For example, during a cross-body lead, telling the leads to look in the direction that he intends to guide his partner on the 3 so as to make sure that no one/thing is already occupying that space, or teaching followers to pay attention to and stay within their leads' frame while turning.

Even though certain techniques can indeed be taught in order to encourage floorcraft, I think it's more of a mindset or a mentality than anything. Personally, I'd like to think I'm a very considerate person. Almost to a fault, at times. While I may have my moments every other blue moon, there is something in me that just won't allow me to purposely impose on someone else or do anything with reckless abandon, knowing that my actions could directly affect someone else. So when it comes to dancing, as much as I'd like to be selfish and just go for mine, I just can't bring myself to dance in such a way that I endanger those around me. Sometimes I feel that I spend so much time protecting myself and my partner that I don't really get much out of a dance. Now, while I'm glad to do it if it means my partner remains safe while on my watch, I can't help but wonder sometimes if I'm the only person on the floor making any kind of effort to do this, sacrificing my own enjoyment for the sake of others. I will admit, while I don't show it (or at least I try not to... I apologize for anyone who may have fallen victim to any optic blasts shot from my evil eyes), I can be pretty disdainful of people around me who aren't making at least some effort to be considerate of others. At that point, I have to remind myself that not everyone thinks like I do. Maybe this is a not-so-humble opinion, but I think the dancefloor would be a much less chaotic place if they did. Oh well... I guess I'll continue to dance and dodge until then; trying my best to make my dodging look like dancing ;-)

The Evolution of SMOOVE: My salsa story

Being a young man of non-Hispanic descent, I'm often asked "how did you get into salsa?" I'm pretty sure many of you who have stumbled upon my blog here or know of me otherwise have wondered the same thing. Since I haven't blogged in half of a forever, I decided I'd take some time out to share with you all my "salsa story."

My first encounter with Latin dancing that I remember was my final semester of High School, circa 2000. My school was having a multi-cultural festival that day and I witnessed many of my friends participating in the Latin portion of the event. I wasn't sure what I was really looking at at the time (in retrospect, I think it was Merengue they were dancing), but I can remember thinking to myself, "I wish I could do that!!!" Not only was I wishing that I could dance like that, but also wishing that I had the nerve to do anything in front of a large crowd. (Would you believe I'm a recovering glossophobe?) Other than learning how to do a turtle from reading online break dancing instructions (that's the only breakin' move I have, but I'm halfway decent at it), I had given no prior thought to dancing or had any training in it whatsoever.

Ok, fast forward about a year and some change... I'm in my 2nd year of college at FAMU and courting a young lady who would eventually become my girlfriend (now ex of course). On our 2nd date, she told me that she liked to dance. When I asked the specific kind, she said latin dancing. I expressed that I had always wanted to learn. So, on our next date, she decided to take me out. Our plans were to go to Atlantis, Tallahassee's only Latin night club. However, a little less than an hour before date time, she informs me that plans have changed and we're now going to a house party that our Church's single's ministry was having. Now, far be it from me to argue about plans when in the company of a gorgeous woman and she's taking me out. I would find out later on that she changed plans because she thought I really didn't want to go salsa dancing and only wanted to go to please her. That was so far from the truth, but good luck convincing her of that. Surely, I tried. I spent several dates trying to take her there, but something would always come up. Fast forward to Valentine's Day 2002: we've been boyfriend & girlfriend for about 2 months now and we're FINALLY headed to Atlantis. We got our lesson in, but I didn't really catch on then. Again, I think the instructor was teaching us Merengue and not salsa, now that I think about it. Not that I knew any better.

Ok, let's hop back into the time machine and skip forward to September-ish of that year. My lady and I parted ways 4 months prior; I had moved back to Atlanta, and she had moved back to New Jersey. After Church one Sunday, we were all having lunch at a diner when one brother from our campus ministry announced to us all that he would be teaching salsa lessons after Church every Sunday. For free. He was doing this as a way to reach out to people who weren't necessarily into Church, and also just for the campus ministry to have something else to do. Of course, the key word for me was "free", I was all in upon hearing that. I thought to myself, "I've always been interested. And it's free... So why the heck not?"

We'll pause here for a moment. For every guy who has been dancing salsa for a decent amount of time, there is always a woman involved in his story somewhere. Maybe it was because of, maybe it was in spite of. Contrary to what my friends at the time in Tallahassee would tell you, for me, it was in spite of. Let's re-visit the situation w/ my now ex. Throughout our short-lived time as a couple, she often expressed that she felt I wasn't being a very good leader in the relationship; both in general and spiritually. This was my very first relationship ever, so I wasn't used to that dynamic. On top of that, I'm not a naturally assertive, "take charge" type of person. Though I would find out much later that it wasn't the case, I had always believed that this was the reason she broke up with me. It would be a very long time after that before I would be able to hear any mention of leading or taking charge without feeling like it was directed towards me, whether it really was or not. Whenever I would hear those words or that concept, it would always sting more than a little bit, and I would always hear it in her voice. Calm and soft-spoken as that voice was, it always felt like a Muay-Thai leg kick to my confidence.

Considering all of that, you can imagine my struggles during the "beginner's hell" stage of my salsa career. Most beginner leads either lead too hard or lead to soft. Being the non-aggressive person that I am, I always erred to the softer side. This "beginner's hell" stage is where most guys either get sifted out, or become determined to get better. Those who do the latter normally end up being pretty decent at least, if not better. It was my whole battle w/ my own flaws that actually motivated me to stick with salsa. I wasn't necessarily motivated by my ex herself, but by what she represented for me in my life. She was a constant reminder of a weakness of mine, and I was tired of hearing about it. So while I may not have completely transformed into a super-confident, extra-assertive man of a man, I think God had it in his plan for me to learn salsa to help me grow out of my old, timid self.

Not only do I think that God used it as as tool to help me grow, but I also think he did it to give me something else to be passionate about. Throughout the earlier part of my life, I had many things that I liked to do, but nothing that I absolutely had to do. I loved video games, basketball, football (not that I was horribly good at either sport), art, and many other things, but I could go days, weeks, months, even years without doing any of those. Salsa, however, is a different story. I often joke that anything past 2 weeks w/ out dancing would cause me to break out in hives and start twitching and scratching my neck like Tyrone Biggums. I still remember the day that I decided I was hooked. It was the Summer of 2004. I finally turned 21 about 6 months or so before, and I was hungry to find any and everything Salsa in Atlanta (little did I know that there were events other than clubs that didn't require me to be 21 to get into, so there was actually no need for me to wait). A friend of mine and I would go to Loca Luna every other weekend to dance salsa. Mind you, I was still in my "salsa scrub" days, but I never felt fulfilled upon leaving there because, despite not being at even the intermediate level, none of the girls there could really keep up. Never mind the fact that this was more so the "meet/meat market crowd" and not the "salsero" crowd, so I was also getting turned down for dances 50% or more of the time. One fateful day, I found out about a social at The Sanctuary (where I now teach on Fridays). It just so happened that many "salsa-celebs" were in the house that night: Gordon Neil, Ismael Otereo, and Juan Matos, just to name few. I spent several minutes picking my jaw up off of the ground from amazement while watching their performances. I was a bit nervous when it came time for the social dancing to resume, however. I figured, "Everybody in this room is a PRO. If those girls at Loca Luna turned me down half the time, it'll surely be worse here." Boy, was I wrong, and I'm glad I was. I didn't get turned down at all that night! I realized I had finally found what I was looking for. I've been a proud salsaholic ever since then. Here I am, many years, salsa socials, salsa congresses, and one 1st place salsa contest finish later. :-)

"Traditional" Salsa Attire

I can recall several times where at various gigs, the people I end up working for ask me and whomever I dance with to dress in "traditional" salsa attire, or in something "salsa-ish". When I hear those terms, I really can't help but scoff at it in my mind because I get the feeling that these people don't really know what they're asking for. I figure their conception of "salsa attire" is similar to what is seen on DWTS, which is SO not what we salseros wear. They don't realize that what we wear on any given night can range anywhere from jeans and a t-shirt to dress pants and a blazer, and everything in between (similar counterparts for women). Honestly, though, I wonder myself if I even know what "traditional" salsa garb is supposed to be. Am I, being of the salsero (not necessarily latino) culture, so detached from the latino aspect of it all that I don't know what is considered "salsa-wear"?

Any thoughts on this? What exactly falls under the umbrella of "traditional salsa attire"? Or is this term really just a myth as I suspect, and the people on the outside who ask for such a thing really just don't have a clue?

OnlineSalsa.com Dancer Of The Week: Myron Abernathy

Check out my recent feature interview on OnlineSalsa.com :-)

OnlineSalsa.com Dancer Of The Week: Myron "Smoove Salsero" Abernathy

"...but HE has two left feet..."

So I gave my business card to a young lady yesterday evening as she was trying to sell me some Mother's day gift baskets. After the initial "OOOOH, YOU TEACH SALSA?!?!", her next statement was something I had heard more times than I can count.

She proceeded to talk about how much her husband "needed help" with dancing and that he has "two left feet." I playfully responded that I had heard it all before. It happens to me all the time: I'll be discussing salsa lessons w/ a potential female student that has a boyfriend/husband, and she'll be so quick to point out how much her S.O. "needs help" or "has two left feet". Just about every time I've heard a lady say that, when it came down to actually teaching the couple, I've ended up having to correct the woman more than the man.

It's amusing to me --and I take care to challenge both leads and follows equally-- but I have to wonder exactly why a large amount of beginner ladies feel like they need preface an instructor on how much their S.O.s suck at dancing, yet (intentionally or not) act as if they are so far ahead of the game.

Smoove Salsero on MTV Tr3s' "Quiero Mi Boda"

Wednesday, January 13, 2010 at 5:49pm

Your favorite salsa instructor is getting some national exposure (albeit for only a few minutes, if that) this Monday night!

I have a short appearance in a new show debuting on MTV Tr3s called "Quiero Mi Boda", a show focusing on interracial marriages. The premiere episode features a Hatian-Mexican couple here in Atlanta. The wife had been pushing for the husband to partake in some salsa lessons, so they decided to include this in the show. The producers were going to book another Atlanta instructor at first; however, the husband had apparently seen me out dancing before and was able to contact a mutual friend of ours to make a big push to get me for the job instead. We filmed this portion of the episode back in August and it is set to air this upcoming Monday night, January 18th @ 10pm :-)

Like it or not you're gonna be Mexican!
Tags: Tr3s

An Endangered Species

Wednesday, December 16, 2009 at 7:25pm

So, I’m less than a week away from my 27th birthday (Please, yall… None of those “This is for your Birthday AND Christmas” combo gifts) and I’ve realized that I have a lot to be grateful for. I’m still alive. I’ve graduated both High School and college. I’ve managed to avoid being arrested or going to jail. I have God in my life and know what it truly means to follow him. I’ve finally found what I’m passionate about (I’ll give you one good guess what that is). And –to the amazement of some, for all sorts of reasons—I’ve managed to maintain my purity, more or less.

Well, maybe I should be a bit more specific about that last statement.

I’m almost 27 years old. I’m a virgin…and I remain so on purpose.

Ok, maybe it hasn’t always been on purpose. I will admit, I didn’t always have that conviction. Up until I was almost 18, it was for lack of “game”, for want of a better term. I was very shy and introverted back then and didn’t have enough nerve to even approach women, let alone pursue anything physical. Halfway through my first semester of college, I decided to become a Disciple of Jesus and actually make every effort to live my life the way he would want me to, and that means --among many other things-- holding out until marriage. Wow, great timing, right? I mean, just after I started to break out of my shell, I decided to give up all that I’d never experienced. No sex, no strip clubs, nothing even close to those things. Most guys my age at that time, being surrounded by endless possibilities away from home, would look at you like you were crazy if you asked them to give all that up. However, I figured, if Jesus loved me enough to die –a horrible and gruesome death, mind you—for me, the least I could do is refrain from having sex until I’m married.

I get a wide range of responses when I tell people that I’m still a virgin and am abstinent. By the way, it’s not something I broadcast, but I don’t hide it, either. Anyway, most people tend to give me that surprised, wide-eyed gasp when they find out; like they can’t believe that someone like this exists. Sometimes I feel like I’m part of an endangered species, the way some people react. After the initial shock, however, the comments I receive are quite interesting.

When I tell other guys that I’m a abstinent virgin, I get the opposite reaction of what I would expect. For a while, I half expected to be ridiculed and thought of as less of a man whenever I would make my convictions known. However, the responses I get from most guys are about as far from that as can be. For the most part, many guys tend to respect me more after I tell them. A lot of guys have told me things like “Don’t rush man, take your time” or “You’re not missing anything.” I’ve even had guys tell me that they wish they were still in my position. Hearing these statements spoke volumes to me. For so long, even though I knew that I really did make the right decision, I would often second guess myself or wonder what it would be like to experience the things that I was denying myself of. I felt that I was missing out on things. However, it was the fact that the guys that were telling me otherwise weren’t other Christian guys with similar convictions, but guys in the world who had experienced all that I thought I was missing out on that encouraged me to no end. They were the ones reassuring me that my decision remains the correct one.

Surprisingly enough, the less-encouraging reactions actually came from women. Don’t get me wrong; I still got my fair share of “keep doing the right thing” type of responses from them. A fair amount of women, however, don’t believe me when I tell them. This is strange to me because I figure most guys would lie about not being a virgin as opposed to being one, but I digress. I’ve had women warn me that making my convictions known up front or otherwise too soon would be a turn off to some. Little do they know, I’m ultimately turned off by the women who would be turned off by my convictions anyway, but I’ll expand on that later. In response to that, I’m told that my dating pool is going to be extremely limited, since I supposedly will have a hard time finding a woman who feels the same way that I do. Again, I find it strange and am ever so slightly disturbed that this is coming from the women. I respond by telling them that they’re not telling me anything I don’t already know and that I’m perfectly fine w/ my dating options being limited. If God sees fit, he’ll send the right one my way. Most recently, in response to discovering my convictions, I’ve been asked if I’ve ever made a woman feel inadequate by not making love to her. My response was that it’s never happened, since no woman who isn’t also saving herself would get past the “friend zone” and into a relationship with me anyway. ***For the record: I do not require that a potential girlfriend be a virgin. She just has to have, prior to our relationship, decided that she is going to be abstinent until she is married. This has to be for GOD, not me; otherwise, it won't last.***

Of course, people always ask me why and how I do it. The “why” is simple. I’m a disciple of Jesus and I believe in and follow the Bible. Period. Not gonna apologize for it. Some may not agree, but that’s another “random thoughts” for another day. As I said earlier though, Jesus died for me, so the least I can do is live my life for him. Yes, I make mistakes and I fall short, but I make every effort to change if I do; not making excuses about it, saying “Well, God will forgive me anyway” or “God knows my heart.” For those wondering what God says about sexual immorality, I’ll point you in the right direction. These aren’t the only scriptures that apply, by any means:

Luke 9:23
1 Corinthians 6
Galatians 5:19
Ephesians 5:3
Colossians 3:5
Hebrews 13:4

Now, on to how I do it. Let me start by saying that remaining abstinent is no easy task. I realize that, though I didn’t think so at the time, the fact that I was still a virgin when I decided to follow Jesus has helped a lot. I don’t know by experience of course, but I can imagine that having sex is like a drug; once you get a taste, you will always want more. One thing that keeps me straight is having a tight vice grip on my thoughts. Make no mistake about it; the fact that I’m a Christian does not make me any better than any other man. I struggle with the same nasty, perverted, pornographic, evil thoughts that all other men do. The only difference is that I make every effort to deny myself (see Luke 9:23). I can’t control whether those thoughts come or not, but I can control whether or not I act upon them. What you do is a product of your thoughts. Nothing that a person can do can take place without him having thought about it first. If I don’t think about it, I won’t put it into action. As I said, I can’t keep those thoughts from popping up initially, but I can choose to stop thinking them once they arrive. Many guys have asked me questions, such as: “Well, what if some girl just throws it at you?” “What if you’re alone with a woman and….” To this, I say look at 1 Corinthians 15:33. Yes, I do have friends and acquaintances who don’t share the same convictions as me. However, the people who I spend the majority of my time with are people who feel the same way I do.  My friends that don’t, they respect me enough to not pressure me into doing anything that I don’t want to, nor do they do anything around me that may tempt me into doing otherwise. There’s no way I could stay pure if all of my male friends are constantly asking me “Hey, did you hit that last night?” There’s no way I could stay pure if I knew that all of my female friends wouldn’t hesitate to give themselves up to me if given the right circumstance. I also keep in mind Proverbs 6:28. I pray that I will be strong enough to survive such a situation as a woman throwing herself at me, but an even smarter tactic is to not allow myself to even be in such a situation in the first place. How do I do this? Again, I don’t spend unnecessary time w/ women –let alone date them—who don’t respect my convictions (the Bible). I know myself –my flaws and tendencies—enough to know where I can and can’t go; what I can and can’t do in order to keep myself out of impure situations. No; I won’t say that I’ve been perfect in this, but I can say that the times that I have come close to crossing the line have given me stronger convictions on this.

So, there you have it. The almost 27 year old virgin, and the methods to my madness. Lord willing, I’ll get married long before I become eligible to star in the sequel of “The 40 Year-old Virgin.” I hope that those of you who read this were inspired and convicted. If for some reason you were made uncomfortable by any of this…. Well, there’s a reason why. I’ll let you figure that out.

**********UPDATE!!!**********

Wednesday, June 25 2014

On Saturday, March 1 2014, I proposed to the love of my life (who also happened to be an "endangered species") and we're set to be wed on September 20 of this year!

 

Kickboxing with Satan

Friday, November 20, 2009 at 7:02pm

For almost 2 months now, I’ve been training in Mixed Martial Arts –specifically Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and Muay Thai— at a local gym here in Atlanta. No; I’m not looking to become a professional cage fighter or anything (although if I were offered a chance to have one good real fight, I doubt I’d turn it down), but I’ve always liked martial arts and thought it’d be a fun way to work out.

It has been a learning experience to say the least. Not only have I learned more about the fighting styles themselves, but I’ve also learned some things about myself as well. I’ve learned that I can actually take a hit (we’re not sparring at 100% of course, but still). I’ve also experienced the whole “fight or flight” concept first hand. I’ve realized that despite my unaggressive nature, when pushed enough, I actually will fight back. The unwillingness to allow pain and weakness to get the best of me seems to kick in from somewhere whenever I’m sparring and I’m getting my butt kicked. I may not come out on top all the time, but I’ve realized that when the pressure is on, I won’t just curl up into a little ball and die.

What’s interesting, though, is that I’ve been able to make a lot of connections between what I’ve experienced in fighting and fighting the spiritual battle we all face as disciples. It all started when James 4:7 was read at Midweek a few weeks ago. The scripture talks about resisting the devil, and that if you do so, he will flee from you. I took a moment to think about what it meant to “resist” something or someone. At first, I thought about what resisting is not. I thought back to a sparring session I had in Muay Thai class one Thursday. I noticed a difference between when I would spar with guys who were obviously better than me as opposed to the guys who were only slightly better or evenly matched. When I sparred with a guy who was an instructor at the gym, I fought back just enough to not be a doormat to him, but I didn’t do much else. I would attack, but very tentatively. I imagine I was too afraid of getting hit. Whenever he would attack, I wouldn’t try to parry or dodge his attacks; I would just cover up and back off as quickly as possible to give myself room and time to regroup. However, when sparring with the guys who were more or less on my level, I felt alot more confident and actually went at them just as much as they did me. Even if they did get the best of me, I didn’t feel a sense of defeat when the match was over because I knew I gave them my best.

Bringing it back to the topic at hand, I realized that resisting is more like the latter example. The former example, in which I barely made a stand at all, was definitely not resisting. When you fight someone, you have to make your opponent fear –or respect, at the very least—your attacks. If I hit my opponent, but it has no force behind it, he has no reason to be concerned about any of my future attacks because I have shown him that I can’t hurt him; therefore, he’ll continue to come at me knowing that he can have his way with me. However, if I hit him and he feels it, he knows that he now has to be careful in how he attacks, because he is in just as much danger of being defeated. Resisting also means having an active defense. I can’t just turn my head and cover up the way that I did when I sparred w/ the instructor; I have to keep my eyes on him and watch for his attacks. I have to block, parry, and dodge his attacks; or even better, counter his attacks. The same instructor taught us to always strike back when attacked. These counter attacks may not always result in knockouts, but they send the message to your opponent that he cannot attack you without having to watch out for your own attack (this also scores points w/ the judges in a real match). Keeping with the whole “active defense” concept, if you watch any MMA fights, you’ll notice that if one fighter has the other on the ground and is attacking (what is referred to as “ground ‘n pound”), the referee will eventually stop the fight if the defender is doing nothing but covering up. In the referee’s eyes, the defender is not “intelligently defending himself” and is making no effort to fight back. He figures that the fighter is hurt so much that he cannot do anything else, and stops the fight in an effort to protect the fighter from being seriously hurt. With that said, when we are in our spiritual battle w/ Satan, we can’t just sit back and let him attack us. We have to have in mind that he will attack us, so we must take the fight to him. When we intelligently fight back with considerable effort, Satan will see that we are not an easy target and move on. We also have to be proactive in fighting him, preparing ourselves for the upcoming fight, just like an MMA fighter would prepare himself for a match.

When I think of resisting the devil so that he’ll flee, I’m also reminded of Matthew 4:1-2. This is when Jesus was tempted by Satan during his 40 days of fasting in the desert. It wasn’t until recently that I really sat and thought about that situation. I know how I feel when I’ve gone a whole day at work without eating anything. I feel fatigued and drained. Mind you, this isn’t after doing any physical work; this is only after sitting in front of a computer for 8 hours in a chair w/ a reclining back and in comfortable air conditioning. Imagine going forty whole days without eating, all while having to endure the intense heat of a desert. Keep in mind that Jesus endured all this as a human, refraining from using his supernatural powers as the Son of Man to sustain him. Satan decides to tempt Jesus here, believing that he is vulnerable in his hungry, weakened state.

This reminds me of another Thursday of Muay Thai training. We were doing an exercise in which we had to do 25 kicks quickly, back to back, on each leg. It would be one thing if this was a the beginning of class, but this was in the last 20 minutes or so, after we had already warmed up, done several sets of stomach crunches, push ups, jump squats, and various other exercises. Needless to say, we were all tired. Our instructor made a statement that really stood out to me: “When you’re tired, that’s when the fight begins.” This made sense on so many levels. When you’re well rested and full of energy; yes, you’re fighting in the sense that you’re performing the action of fighting, but you’re not fighting in the sense of having to push yourself past your limits. When you’re tired, fatigued, sore, out of breath and in pain, that’s when you’re really fighting. Not only are you fighting your opponent, but you’re fighting against yourself as well. You’re fighting against the temptation to give up, the temptation to give in to your own weakness. It’s not until then that you’re really putting your will and discipline to the test. It makes sense to me now that whenever we spar in class, the majority of the time it is towards the end of class when we’re already tired; to simulate what a real fight is going to be like. You have to get used to pushing yourself past your limits.

It’s the same when you’re in the spiritual fight. Satan is going to wait until the times where you’re tired and hungry, or had the worst day ever to try to hit you with something. You have to dig deep down, denying yourself and relying on God to help you fight him off. One interesting thing I noticed is that God doesn’t give us more than we can bear, but we often don’t realize in our own minds how much we really can endure until we’re pushed to do so. Just like I didn’t know how well I would stand up in a fight (a controlled, civil one anyway) until I put myself in one, we don’t know how much we can really handle spiritually until we decide we’re not going to give in to what Satan is throwing at us. God knows how much we can handle, but we won’t truly know until we decide to not give up as soon as things get difficult.

So yeah… All of this and a few other things came to me all at the same time; an epiphany of sorts. I think God allowed me to have the desire to go and do such a thing in order to teach me some things about myself. Now I just have to put it all into practice; in sparring (maybe in the cage one day) and on the spiritual battlefield as well. I hope that reading this will help you guys in your daily walks with God and fights with Satan. And thank you to everyone who read the whole thing; I know I can be long winded when I write ;-)

Be Joyful!!!

Friday, October 9, 2009 at 12:35pm

So, a brother shared 1 Thess 5:16-17 with a few of us at midweek this past Wednesday. As he was explaining why he shared it, my eyes latched on to the fact that v16 is only 3 words. In most cases, a verse is at least a sentence and a half or two, sometimes more. But in this case, it is only 3 words. The fact that God decided to dedicate a whole verse to just those 3 words when he could have been more efficient stuck out to me, as if he did it for emphasis. Kind of in the same way that a movie director holds the camera on a very minor detail for a few seconds too long, and you know that it is going to have some sort of significance later on in the movie.

Anyway, the conclusion that I came to is one that I had already realized before, but seeing it there under this light just drove the nail in that much deeper. "BE JOYFUL ALWAYS." No matter what the circumstance, no matter how good or bad you're doing, you have to decide to be joyful. Seems to me like it's a command, not just a suggestion, so God is pretty much saying "Suck it up, be a man/woman about it, pick up your cross and BE JOYFUL."

Random Thoughts 9.29.10

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 5:10pm

Had time to kill at work today as I usually do, and posted this quote that I came up with as my facebook status after some deep salsa-thought. Alot of my facebook salsa peeps liked it, so I decided I'd share it w/ you guys.

"Dancing is when your body says things that you never knew you wanted to say. You express things that words would never be able to describe."

I came to this conclusion after pondering the idea that dance in general is supposed to be a form of self-expression. While I do agree with that, the logical side of me thought "Ok... If I'm expressing myself when I dance, what exactly is it that I'm saying?" Indeed, there are times when a song makes you feel a certain way that readily registers in your mind (happy, sad, energetic, upbeat, relaxed, angry, joyful, etc). Or, a song tells a story and you move as if you were describing the tone or feeling of the story. However, there are probably just as many moments when you're dancing to a song; yet, there's not a definite feeling attached to it, nor a definite story to be told. What exactly is your body saying at that point? What are you expressing?

I think your body just has things that it wants to say, and dancing gives it that avenue to express itself. The brain may still give it commands of what to do and how to do it, but not even the brain itself -or your own consciousness for that matter- really knows what is being said. There are no words that can be attached to it, no way to truly categorize it, no way for even our own minds to translate what is said. Dance is a language completely foriegn to our minds, but that doesn't mean that our minds don't enjoy it all the same. Just like I can hear song being sung in Spanish and it sounds so beautiful to my ears despite the fact that I can't understand what's being said, our eyes and minds enjoy the sight of dancing, even if we can't quite comprehend what the bodies involved in the dance are expressing.

"Just FEEL the music"

Monday, March 9, 2009 at 12:12pm

We've all heard the phrase "just feel the music" in regards to dancing salsa. But what does this phrase really mean? If I'm a beginner in a salsa class and someone tells me to "feel the music," how exactly do I put this into practice? How can I tell when I'm doing it? I think that such a thing as "feeling the music" is alot easier said than done.

I believe that, while there are some people who say this and know exactly what it means, there are too many more people who say this to others without totally understanding all that it entails. At the risk of over-complicating things, I think that "feeling the music" is not nearly as simple as those who haphazardly use this phrase make it seem. Telling someone to "just feel the music" is about as problematic as telling a beginner salsera to "just follow."

What do you guys think about this? I don't think I have the complete answer to this, but I do think it goes alot deeper than it seems. I think it has alot to do w/ musicality, and that it's a skill that has to be learned. Some may have more of a knack for it than others or may be able to pick it up faster than others, but I don't think anyone just naturally feels the music. On that note, what also helps is what one famous instructor calls “actively” listening to the music as you dance. What this means, in a nutshell, is paying attention to the patterns of the music so that you get a feel for what will come next. This way, you are better able to react to and “play” with the song. During the same styling class that she mentioned this, she also gave this awesome analogy: when you dance, you should pretend that the composer of the song approached you, saying something like “Hey, I’m missing an instrument. I need you to be that instrument. Interpret your part as you see fit.”

I think body movement can also help in one's ability to feel the music as well. Having an understanding of it in your head is one thing, but it's a whole 'nother story trying to move your body to what has been processed in your head. Understanding the music without having control of your body is almost like having a story to tell but not having the vocabulary to vividly illustrate your vision to someone else.

Those are my thoughts on the subject. As I said, in no way do I have the complete answer to this, but I’m convinced that this concept is not as simple as it sounds. Any thoughts?

God's Love Language

Wednesday, February 18, 2009 at 1:53pm

God’s Love Language
By Myron Abernathy


Words of affirmation. Quality time. Acts of service. Gift Giving. Physical touch. These are “The Five Love Languages”—the ways that each individual person shows love and prefers to be loved. I had always been intrigued by this book and had finally decided to buy it after browsing through it multiple times in various book stores (hey, that happens when you’re half-past broke and a procrastinator to boot). The author, Dr. Gary Chapman, explains throughout this popular book that each person speaks a primary love language, not unlike how each person speaks a first verbal language. A conversation between two people who do not understand each other’s primary verbal language will not go very far. The same can be said for a relationship between two people who do not understand each other’s primary love language. One can show love to another in his or her primary love language, but no matter how sincere said person’s actions are, the person on the other end will not receive that love if the love is not being done in the appropriate love language. The person that the love is intended for may very well appreciate the actions of the person attempting to show love, but will not truly feel loved. Sometimes, the actions may not even register in that person’s mind and go ignored completely. Even worse, he or she may even be offended by those actions, feeling that the significant other in question is not paying attention to or meeting his or her emotional needs.

While reading this book, I came to the conclusion that when it comes to loving someone else, we cannot just love that person in our own love language. In other words, we cannot love people on our own terms. Sure, there’s nothing wrong with showing love in the way that comes natural to us, but if we truly love someone—having that person’s interests in mind—we will cater to the way that that person prefers to be loved. Many times we may say that we “feel” as if we love someone. That’s all well and good, but what good is that “feeling” if the person who is supposedly being loved does not feel it as well? The “loved” person will only feel that love if it is given in his or her primary love language. The many examples shown in the book reveal that, unfortunately, sincerity in one’s attempts to love is not enough. Dr. Chapman shared several stories of married couples who did their best to love each other, but they were only doing so in ways that came natural to them, or in ways that they wanted to be loved themselves. Once those couples realized that they had not been adapting to each other’s needs, they were able to turn things around for the better.

I had an interesting thought one day as I was reflecting on what I had learned. Many of us who claim to be Christians say that we love God. We love God with all our hearts, minds, and souls. We love us some Jesus. I had to wonder though, how many of us really know what it means to love God? It’s obviously not just a statement, nor is it just a feeling (or, at least it shouldn’t be). Knowing that we can’t love people any way that we choose, I would assume that the same can be said for God. So, one might ask, how does God want to be loved? What is God’s love language? Discovering God’s love language is not difficult, but it may require some effort in digging through the scriptures. There are several scriptures in the Bible that plainly tell what makes God feel loved by us, but one scripture that makes it plain is John 14:15-23. It is revealed several times in this passage that God’s “love language” is obedience. To love God is to obey him. Sounds easy, right? How I wish that were so. Anyone reading this who has made any attempt in following God’s commands knows that it’s not the easiest thing in the world to do. God commands several things of us that go against what comes natural to us or our society’s culture would tell us to do.

One might think, “Well, there are other ways that we can show God love, right? Singing to him? Praising him? Preaching his word? Sacrificing for him?” While all those things are good and probably fall somewhere under the umbrella of obeying him, God takes this obedience thing very seriously. Let’s take a look at someone who had this idea, but discovered the truth the hard way. 1 Samuel 15 tells the story of Saul during his reign as king. In verses 1-3, God commands Saul to kill the Amalekites and destroy them completely, leaving no one or no thing alive. Seems kind of harsh, to say the least. At any rate, that is what God commanded of him. However, verses 7-9 reveal that Saul only partially obeyed God. He took the Amalekite’s king alive, but still killed the rest of the people. Instead of killing every animal as God commanded, he declined to kill the best of the livestock, and killed the rest. The scriptures do not specifically explain why Saul disobeyed God in this way. We get a small hint in verse 15, which shows that Saul saved the best of the animals to sacrifice to God, which, in and of itself, wasn’t a bad thing, but it still was not what God had commanded (verses 22-23 clearly show that God would take obedience over sacrifices any day). Maybe he was just saying this to save face and did not really intend to sacrifice the spared animals. Maybe he felt like he had a better plan than God. Maybe God’s plan seemed illogical or irrational to him. Maybe he was just feeling rebellious. Or maybe he just didn’t think that following his instructions to the letter was that big of a deal. We’ll never truly know, but the fact remains that he did not obey God, and God was surely not pleased with him. As we see in verse 26, God rejected Saul as king of Israel because of his lack of obedience. Saul’s actions and reaction to his punishment from God reminded me of one of the examples that Dr. Chapman illustrated in one of the chapters of his book. We see a husband who thought he was doing everything right: working hard, paying the bills and taking care of all of his husbandly responsibilities (not that this was a bad thing). However, he did this at the expense of spending quality time with his wife. While his wife probably appreciated not having to worry about having a slacker for a husband, what she wanted more than anything was for her husband to give her his undivided attention; for him to talk with her and do things with her from time to time, even if it was only once or twice a week. I can imagine that this is how God feels when we love him based on our own ideas, instead of just obeying his commands.

As I was searching for scriptures that would reveal God’s love language, I came across 1 John 5:3. This scripture again shows that love for God is obeying his commands. However, the last sentence of verse 3 caught my attention. It says that his commands are not burdensome. I’m sure I’m not the only one, but this statement made me stop and think for more than a minute. God says that his commands are not a burden to us, yet many of us, myself included, have a hard time obeying him. If his commands are not burdensome, why do we find it difficult to be humble when we feel like being prideful? Why are we selfish when we should be selfless? I could go on and on about the commands that God gives us that seem to weigh us down with guilt and restriction. I shared this scripture during a Bible discussion recently, and the feedback I got gave me a better understanding of what this scripture really means. One way of looking at it is that God knows so much better than we do. Isaiah 55:8 states that God’s thoughts are not ours and neither are his ways our ways. If God created us, we can rest assured that if he tells us to do or not do something, it is for our own good. I’m sure we could all find plenty of God’s commands that keep us out of harm’s way if we choose to obey them. On another note, a friend of mine shared at the Bible discussion about an ex-roommate who is now married. Her roommate was never a professional wrestling fan; however, her husband-to-be was a huge pro wrestling fan. While they were dating, she would watch wrestling events with him, and eventually grew to like wrestling. My friend who shared this expressed that she did not understand how her roommate could go from one extreme to another. I myself was surprised, as I’ve watched several UFC events at that couple’s (now married) house, and would never have known that she had ever been anything less than a wrestling or mixed martial arts fan.

This story brought me to two conclusions. First, when you do things out of love for someone, you may not like doing it. However, as you do it more and more, you may begin to tolerate or even love doing it. I then realized that it is the same thing with God. There were many commands that I did not agree with before, but after denying myself and following them, if I did not come to love them altogether, I at least understood the why’s and benefits of obeying those commands; being the spiritual leader in a relationship and saving myself for marriage are just a couple of those commands. Secondly, I realized that love will make you do some crazy (sometimes stupid) things. Okay, maybe I didn’t have to read this scripture or hear that story to come to that conclusion, but it makes more sense to me now. My friend thought her roommate was crazy to spend time watching WWF all night, but she did it because she loved her significant other. When you love someone (especially when you’re “in love” with someone), you do things that you wouldn’t normally do. You do things that aren’t necessarily rational. You do things that other (sane) people around you wouldn’t even give a second thought to doing. The things that you do for someone that you love, which would normally be a huge burden for you, cease to be a burden. In this regard, God’s commands are not burdensome. When we truly love God, nothing he commands us to do will feel like a burden to us. With that said, if we find one of God’s commands burdensome, we must ask ourselves, “Do I really love God?” Don’t get me wrong; I’m preaching to myself as I write this (to myself more than anyone, actually). If anyone has a hard time looking at God’s commands as if they are not burdensome, he or she only needs to look to the example of Jesus. The gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John all show what Jesus did for love. Jesus obeyed God’s plan out of love for him, and also obeyed God’s plan out of love for us, despite knowing ahead of time that the vast majority of us would not accept him. Considering all that he went through in the process of obeying God, the argument could be made that Jesus was crazy. Seriously, who would willingly lower himself from Heaven, knowing it would lead to the most lengthy, painful, agonizing death one could receive? I think this just shows how deep his love for God and for us went. Yes indeed… love will make you do some crazy things.

So, after reading “The Five Love Languages,” I not only got a better understanding of how to love those around me, how to love my future girlfriend and eventually my wife (I wonder if she’s reading this, whoever she ends up being…), I also have a better understanding what it means to truly love God. In both regards, I have a lot of work to do!

What does my face say?

Tuesday, December 23, 2008 at 1:55pm

In my 6 years of dancing salsa, I've had my fair share of flaws and shortcomings. Some of them I've done away with completely; with others, I've made great strides in but still need work. However, there's one flaw of mine that I just can't seem to get rid of. It seems small, but has a huge affect on people.

I never smile.

Salsa is my favorite-est thing to do in the world; yet, I hardly ever smile when I do it. Sure, I crack a smile when I and/or my partner for that song mess up, just to lighten up the situation, but other than that, I normally have a straight face. I didn't think it was such a big deal until I danced with ladies who don't smile. A non-smile could mean one of many things: she's bored, she's not having a good time, she's tired, she has a lot on her mind, she thinks she's too good for me, so on and so forth. You never really can be sure what a non-smile means amongst these possible meanings, but one thing that we can be sure of about a non-smile is that it has so much uncertainty. However, there's nothing unsure about a big, sincere smile. If the person you're dancing with is smiling, you can pretty much guarantee he/she is having a good time. As long as it's sincere, you're not wondering about what said person is thinking or how they're feeling.

Funny thing for me is that I've learned from compliments both in person and online that I smile alot and that people actually like my smile; yet, I find it hard to do so naturally when I dance. For some reason, it just feels strange and forced to me, and I know that people can see through a fake smile. I don't want to fake it, but at the same time, I'd hate for anyone that I'm dancing with to get the impression from me that I'm bored, that she's beneath me, that I'm frustrated with her, or anything else negative. I've always thought of myself as someone who at least makes an effort to dance with everyone and enjoy those dances regardless of the level of the person I'm dancing with, but I can't help but wonder if I'm projecting a vibe that says otherwise.

So, the question(s) that I'm asking to everyone who's danced with me is: What does my face say to you while we're dancing? Do you get the impression that I enjoy dancing with you, or do you get feeling that I'm not having a good time (or worse)? Whatever impression you get, what is it about me that projects that?

Thanks in advance for all your replies and help!