Cosplayin': Take A Pic of ALL Of Us, or NONE Of Us!!!

Cosplay, just like any other community, has its own code of etiquette.  These unspoken rules are in place to help ensure that everyone has a good time and to keep things orderly.  A few of them are pretty obvious (or, they should be, anyway).  Don't touch someone (their costumes and props included) without their permission.  Compliment someone if you like their cosplay.  Keep it to yourself if you don't.  Don't block hallways, entrances, and escalators while taking photos.  I could keep going, but you get the idea.  There's one particular rule, however, that I just can't get on board with.  It's not a hard and fast rule, and there are mixed opinions on it, so I doubt anyone will get thrown out of a con for violating it.  But apparently, there's a rule that, when taking a photo of someone who's part of a group, you must take a photo of the entire group, or none at all.

Let me preface the rest of this by saying that I'm not one to exclude people from a picture or tell people to get out of a picture.  When I'm aware that it's a group cosplay, I grab a picture of everyone and then maybe grab some individual shots afterwards.  For me, it's just the thought of being obligated to that's the off-putting thing for me. 

I've never been verbally told by someone I wanted a photo of I had to take one of everyone or no one, but I've had a few situations that, while they weren't too serious, lead me to believe they felt that way.  In each case, the person I asked to photograph was a few feet away another person, or it just wasn't super obvious to me that they were part of a larger group.  I'd ask for a photo, and they'd agree, but they they'd flag their friend down to come and get in the picture.  In my head, I'm thinking "Um... I asked for a photo of you, not anyone else.  If I wanted a photo of your friend(s), I'd have asked".  To avoid awkwardness, I just go ahead and take the photo, then ask for an individual shot after.  However, to me, that person is the one who's making it awkward by forcing someone else into the picture.  As if to say, "Hey, I know you only asked me for a picture, but I think this other person really needs to be in your picture."  But why force someone else to be in a picture that you all have less than a 50-50 chance of ever seeing again anyway?

However, I did run into one particularly awkward situation.  I was at Dragon*Con 2014, taking photos on the outskirts of a Final Fantasy photo shoot.  As I waited for my favorite characters to not be busy with current group shots, I saw two guys dressed as Squall and Laguna from FFVIII, so I asked for a photo.  When they agreed, a girl (who at the time I thought was just random) jumped into the pic, and after I kindly as possible told her I was only trying to get Squall and Laguna, refused to get out of the pic.  I declined to use my normal tactic of asking for individual shots later, as I got the impression that she would have jumped into that one too, and she lingered too close for me to do it discreetly.  I would later realize that she was a legit FFVIII character (albeit a much lesser-known one, Raine), but I still felt she was rude for imposing herself into my photo.  After all, we were at a photo shoot for that fandom... what, are you gonna jump into every side photo?  Personally, I never assume I'm included in a picture unless I'm being directed.  I'd rather have the photographer ask me to jump in than to have him or her ask me to get out, which would be embarrassing.

She just RE. FUSED. to get out of the photo. -_-

Ok, forgive my rant there...  But I think you guys get where I'm coming from.  And don't get me wrong, I get why people may have this mentality.  I've read that some cosplayers feel slighted when others around them get asked for photos and they don't, whether they're in a group cosplay from the same fandom, just in a group of friends, or just chatting with several people.  Many get the feeling that their cosplay isn't worthy of a photo when they don't get asked for a photo but someone near them does, or that the photographer is non-verbally saying that their cosplay sucks.  And some cosplayers feel just plain left out and excluded in these moments.  For that reason, sometimes the more popular members of a group cosplay will set the "all of us or none of us" rule in order to prevent this.

Don't get me wrong, I totally understand these feelings, and am not above having them myself.  Though I've shed a lot of it and am continually growing in how to deal with what's left, I still have a lot of insecurity deep down.  And just like "game recognize game", insecurity recognizes insecurity, and I feel like insecurity is at the root of these situations.  Dare I say, maybe even a little bit of vanity.  Even though the majority of us cosplay for ourselves and our own enjoyment, at the end of the day, I do believe we also want recognition.  We all want to know that at least somebody else enjoyed our work, and the validation that we did a good job.  But, while it can be a good indicator that people like our work, we cannot place the worth of our work and cosplays on how many people asked us for pictures.  I'm not saying that this is an easy mindset to achieve, but you have to get to the point where you being satisfied with you work and enjoying yourself is all that matters.

Besides, there are too many factors that go into why someone did or didn't ask one for a photo for anyone to get bent out of shape over it.  Yes, there are some photographers and photo-takers (ie, just random con attendees and cosplayers) who will overlook cosplayers due to their own elitism, racism, or anything else that falls under the umbrella of shallowness.  But much more often, a photographer may not ask you for a pic for a myriad of genuine, non-malicious reasons.  Personally, I know that not everyone is going to like my cosplay, but not necessarily because of the quality.  They may not recognize my character.  I tend to do a lot of obscure or just not mainstream characters, so sometimes I can go hours between photo ops in some of my costumes.  My costume may not stand out to some people.  The character I'm cosplaying may not be someone's favorite.  Some people take photos of every cosplayer they come across, while others may only take photos of someone who really catches their eye, or only of their favorite characters.  What I'm saying is, just like with being rejected or not being asked out, someone not asking you for a photo most often has little to nothing to do with you, and more to do with the photographer. 

Ok, I'm done rambling for now.  What do you guys think?  How do you feel when those around you are asked for photos and you're not?  Does it rub you the wrong way, or does it not even register for you?  Let me know in the comments!

Un-Cuffin' Season

Ah, the season of Fall is upon us again.  I would have to say that Fall is my favorite time of the year.  Weather starts to cool off, but isn't too cold yet.  Football season is back.  The new season of The best show on TV The Walking Dead is back.  And Pumpkin Spi...  Wait... Nah...  I had y'all there for a sec, huh?

I didn't know this was a thing (or, that it had an actual title, at least) until I joined Twitter, but along with all the wonderful things mentioned above, Fall also brings with it another season:  Cuffing Season.  What is this "Cuffing Season", you ask?  UrbanDictionary.com describes Cuffing Season as such:

During the Fall and Winter months, people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves, along with the rest of the world, desiring to be "Cuffed" or tied down by a serious relationship.  The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed.

Apparently, winning during "cuffing season" involves 

complex strategy and impeccable execution.

 In short, right around this time every year, the cooler temperatures cause folks to have a greater desire to loose their single status, or get "boo'd up", if you will.  However, fall also brings along what I have now dubbed "Un-Cuffing Season".

Current Relationship Status:  CoD

You might be thinking to yourself:  "How can both Cuffing and Un-Cuffing season occur at the same time?"  Well, it just so happens that a lot of popular video games that annually reinvent themselves --mainly NBA 2Kwhatever-the-upcoming-year-is, Call of Duty, and Madden20##-- drop their newest renditions during these months.  Thanks again to good ol' Twitter, I've found that these yearly releases cause a ton of strain on relationships that have survived the closing of previous cuffing seasons (aka, they stayed together instead of just being a Winter fling), and no doubt results in countless break-ups.  Every year, like clockwork, I witness a salvo of tweets from disgruntled girlfriends about their man playing their video game of choice too much.  This, of course, is followed immediately by clap-back tweets from guys who think these ladies need to stop trippin' and let them be great.

As some of you in relationships attempt to navigate another un-cuffing season, let me give you some things to ponder that may help you make it through with your relationship still in-tact.  Now, one would think that I, being a guy, would be completely on the fellas' side on this.  However, those of you who are familiar with my work know I gotta look at both sides of this fairly.  I'll start with the guys (ladies, don't get too comfortable and think I'm not comin' for y'all lol).

***SIDE NOTE:  I'm curious to know how many ladies out there have the opposite problem... Any lady gamers out there who have boyfriends who think they play too much?  Let me know!***

Guys, sit back and think for a moment.  Have you ever considered that maybe, juuuust maybe, there's a legit reason why your lady is complaining about the amount of time you spend playing video games?  When's the last time y'all spent some quality time together?  When was your last date night?  If y'all live together, have you been holding up your side of whatever your bill-paying/chore-doing arrangement is?  Does she constantly have to remind you of things you said you'd take care of?  If you have unfavorable answers to at least two of these questions, then I actually don't blame your lady for having a little disdain towards your game playing.  The words "priorities" and "moderation" come to mind.  But just like you're currently giving her a reason to hate your gaming, you can turn that around and do things that leave her no valid reason to complain.  Be proactive.  Spend a little extra time with her.  Schedule some dates or quality time with her ahead of time.  Whatever your responsibilities are around the crib (if you live together), knock those out well before they become an issue.  Maybe even take care of something she normally does.  Be above reproach and leave no room for her to complain.  Oh, and here's a noble concept:  how 'bout doing that stuff on the regular?  That way, you keep your lady happy, and she also doesn't think you're doing it just to keep her off your back.

Now, for the ladies... I ask you all some of the same questions.  Is he spending enough time with you?  Do you otherwise feel loved and appreciated?  Is he taking care of home, whatever that means for you?  If so, SHUT THE EFF UP AND THAT MAN FLOURISH!!!  Everyone has fun, relieves stress, and enjoys their down time in their own way.  If your man's preferred method of doing so is playing video games, then who are you to tell him that that's wrong?  Imagine if he nagged and complained every time you wanted to watch Real Housewives of Wherever, HGTV, or The Bachelorette? (Ok, my apologies, I know I generalized horribly just now, but y'all get my point).  And if you know your guy and you've been together for over a year, the fact that his favorite game is coming out isn't a surprise to you, yet some of you let it blindside you every year.  Ladies, assuming you have a life outside of your man (if you don't, there's the problem, but more on that shortly), you mean to tell me you can't find something else to do while he and the squad are bodying folks in CoD?  Unless he really is the type to play "all day, err day", you can't tell me that he just happens to always be playing whenever you want to spend time with him.

***Please excuse the profanity and n-bombs, but this was tragically funny.***

I'm pretty sure this story is fabricated, but ladies, 

if this story even closely resembles you, 

I feel sorry for your man.

Speaking of which, some of you ladies need to re-assess your definition of what it means to spend enough time with you.  Yes, as I mentioned earlier, there are guys who really do spend too much time playing video games and leave you hanging.  On the flip side, some women's definition of spending enough time with them is "he has to spend every waking moment that he's not at work/school with me".  Ladies, if that's you, YOU'RE THE PROBLEM!  It's no wonder he has to get away from you and pick up the sticks!  Be like him and get yourself a hobby.  'Cause whether his hobby is video games or something else, your relationship probably isn't going to last long if you both don't have outside interests.  Also, some ladies just plain hate gaming so much that any amount of gaming a guy does is too much.  In which case, I either say that's a personal problem the lady needs to deal with on her own, or she just needs to find a guy who doesn't game.

Ya know, sometimes, I compare being on Twitter to a Jigsaw Trap:  it helps me appreciate my life.  I read these seasonal arguments on Twitter and it makes me grateful for my wife and our relationship, and specifically when it comes to the topic at hand.  I consider myself a "casual binge-gamer", meaning that I may go months without playing any games at all, but when I get a new game or decide to pick up an old one again, its several hours straight for several nights in a row.  Even during those binges, my wife has yet to give me any crap about my gaming.  The most she'll say is "don't stay up too late."  Heck, this woman even went so far as to buy me a PS4 last year.  Even if she hadn't done that, I still appreciate her for being considerate enough to give me my space to do the things I like to do.  By the same token, I also give her that space as well, 'cause guess what?  We BOTH have outside interests and aren't all up under each other all the time.  And not to say that I'm perfect at this or that I'm the standard or anything, but I also don't give her much reason to complain.  I'm not constantly on the sticks, and if certain things aren't already taken care of at the crib when I'm playing, I give her a legit time table of when I plan to get it done, and I haven't given her a reason to not believe me when I tell her.

Best.  Wife.  EVER.  
I love this woman.

I really hope this helps you all survive this current un-cuffing season, and many more to come.  Video games don't have to be a sore spot in a relationship.  As long as both sides are willing to communicate and be considerate of each other, I believe it can definitely work.  If not, then video games are just a symptom of a bigger problem.

Cosplayin': My Cosplay Is Not For YOU.

If you're like me and you're an avid cosplayer and unapologetically geeky to boot, you inevitably end up having conversations with your associates, friends, and family about your hobby.  Some of these conversations can be pleasant, while others can go left really quick.  I've heard a fair amount of horror stories from other cosplayers who've had their "loved ones" ridicule their passion, tell them to grow up, or even go so far as to accuse them of devil worshiping.

Fortunately, my discussions about cosplay with my friends and family have been positive.  Well, positive towards me, anyway.  You see, while I haven't received any negative feedback about my hobby or my costumes, I find myself having to defend some of my fellow cosplayers from the comments of those close to me.  For example, my wife and I were showing her aunt and uncle some photos we took back at Dragon*Con 2015.  We proceeded to show them a pic of my wife and her favorite cosplayer (after me, of course), Lonstermash.  This guy is, in me and my wife's opinion, as spot-on of a movie-version Wolverine as you can get.  However, both our aunt and uncle looked at him and said "Meh.  He needs to work out more."  Even worse, we showed this same pic to my mom a few weeks later, and her reaction was pretty much the same.  "He's not buff enough to be Wolverine."  This was a severe case of blasphemy to me, 'cause I look at Lon and think "#BODYGOALS!!!"  I thought to myself, how could anyone possibly look at this man and think he's not anything enough to be Wolverine?  Heck, I look at him sometimes and have to remind myself that's not Hugh Jackman!

Other friends and family have also had similar things to say about other cosplayers they've seen in photos that I show them.  They almost immediately begin to compare people and pick them apart.  They'd say "Myron, your's is so much better than this one" or "this girl's cosplay has nothing on this other girl."  I even had a friend tag me in her comment of another cosplayer's pic, saying "here's your match", as if we were competing.

 

 If this dude ain't a perfect Wolverine, nobody is.

Of course, this only gets worse when it comes to people on the internet.  Over the Summer, a video posted by one of my favorite cosplayers, Alicia Marie, was shared in a nerd group that I used to belong to on Facebook (the reasons why I left are pretty much the same reasons why I'm writing this blog).  Alicia's video was a snapchat of her cosplaying as Storm.   There were people who shared my opinion that she looked awesome, but there were countless people who nit-picked her, saying she was too light-skinned to be Storm.

 

The internet has taught me that you can look like both a supermodel AND an action figure, 
and haters STILL gon' find a way to hate.

I made a post later that night, defending Alicia and every other person who had been criticized by that group.  I gave a stern reminder to them that cosplay is for everyone, regardless of gender, body type, race, sexual orientation, or anything else.  The post was well accepted by all except one idiot who proclaimed that "fat cosplay is trash" and that cosplayers should "be humble".  This guy kept saying "be humble" and "stay humble" throughout our argument, giving me the impression that he had no idea what being humble really meant.  Based on the context, he confused being "humble" with "staying in your lane", believing that cosplayers should only cosplay characters that look like them or that match their body type.

Just one snippet of our altercation...

(I had originally posted the 2nd screenshot, with 

the names crossed over, in a more positive cosplay group on FB.
However, after seeing this dude's foolishness, 

the other members were in favor of NOT blocking his name out.  You don't get the 

privilege of anonymity when you're bold enough to be 

this much of a jerk to people, apparently.)

All of the above has lead me to the conclusion that many people who don't cosplay just don't get cosplay.  In the case of my family and most of my friends, they mean well and their comments aren't out of malice, but I can still tell they just don't get it (mom, family... if y'all are reading this, I promise that the following angst is not aimed at you).  We dress up as our favorite characters to show our love for them and to express ourselves, and have never brought what other people think about it into consideration when doing so.  We aren't trying to out-do each other; only ourselves.  And unless we actually enter a contest, we're not competing with anyone.  We don't care if we're the "wrong" race, gender, or body type for a character.  After all, the majority of us aren't doing this to audition to play the part of our favorite character in their next live action movie.  We also don't care if our interpretation or personal spin on a character doesn't resonate with someone else's.   However, now that cosplay is mainstream, all of a sudden your cosplay isn't acceptable or "doesn't work" if it doesn't fit what the rest of the world thinks it should be, and there's no shortage of internet basement trolls who have no qualms about letting you know in the most brutal way possible.  You see, one of the unfortunate side-effects of cosplay (and geekery as a whole) becoming mainstream and "cool" is that the people think cosplayers are now subject to the standards of what is acceptable and beautiful in the media.  On top of that, many geeks tend to be very anal about the things they love, so if you don't look exactly like a character in both costume and body, or if you don't fit that particular geeks' vision of a character, it's a problem.

What I'm here to tell you all is this...  While we definitely appreciate when others like our work (who doesn't?), we cosplay for ourselves.   As I said before, cosplay is not a movie audition, so there is no requirement to look exactly like that unrealistically-drawn character.  Therefore, any comments and opinions of "He's not ___ enough to be ___" or "She's too ___ to be ___" are completely invalid.  If we should so happen to look like that character, whether by genetics and/or working out, then that's simply icing on the cake.  Nothing more.  Our cosplays are not here for anyone's critique, consumption, or judgement, and neither are our bodies.  Contrary to popular belief, just because someone posts themselves on the internet, it's not an open invite to give your unfiltered opinions (which you are entitled to, of course, but you're not entitled to be a jerk to anyone).  While I'm at it, people kill me with this posting of someone else's cosplay on their social media pages, captioning it with "Thoughts?", "How'd (s)he do?", and even "Rate them 1-10", which does nothing but invite criticism & judgement.

Like I stated before, we may not be competing, but we definitely want to grow, so constructive criticism is usually welcome.  But keep the disrespect to yourself, along with any comments about someone not being the right race, gender, or body type.   These are things that we either cannot change or are not willing to change just to please others and appeal to their vision of a character.  I can't stress enough that cosplay does not play by society's rules.  Therefore, if a white guy wants to dress up as Storm, he can do that.  If a black woman wants to be Superman, she has every right to.  A skinny dude can be Thor.  A fat girl can be Jessica Rabbit.  Not something you want to see?  That's fine.  Don't think a person's cosplay "works" or is "appropriate"?  That's cool, too.  But just remember that, while you're free to enjoy (or not) someone's cosplay, they're not cosplaying for you.  You'll be ok.

Gatekeepers of the Bandwagon

"Ugh.  How dare these newcomers like the same thing that I like!!!"  -_-

So I saw the above meme on the interwebs the other day and immediately thought, "SO EFFIN' WHAT?!"  God forbid someone new wants to get into the same things you're into.  

I'm probably gonna catch crap-ton of hate for this, but there's something in the geek/nerd community (Yes, there's a difference between the two.  Now that we've established that, I'm going to turn right around and use the terms interchangeably for the rest of this article 'cause it's Friday, I got a job, and I got ish to do) that really needs to cease and desist.  What I'm referring to is gate-keeping.  Gate-keeping is when people take it upon themselves to decide or attempt to control who gets access or belongs to something.  In the geek world, this is when long-time geeks try to set this ridiculously high standard for geekdom, turning their noses up and scoffing at anyone who does not meet their requirements.

To a degree, I get it.  I regretfully admit that I used to think like this.  Especially when it comes to my Transformers (Don'tcha just love how geeks like to take ownership of things?  As if a fandom belongs to us).  I'd get annoyed when someone claimed to be a TF fan, but couldn't name any TFs other than Optimus Prime, Megatron, or Bumblebee (Michael Bay's Bumblebee, at that).  I can't recall ever rudely calling anyone out, but I didn't consider anyone a real fan if they didn't respect the TFs that I grew up with, which were from the original mid-'80s cartoon.  

I've grown and matured in my geekery since then.  I may still be slightly disappointed when a fellow TF fan only really knows about one or two mainstream characters or only likes the new stuff, but instead of casting that person off and alienating them, I see it as us having common ground.  I also see it as an opportunity to introduce them to the rest of the TF universe.  And if they are comfortable where they are and don't particularly care to broaden their horizons, so be it.  They get to "fan" the way they want to fan.  I won't impose my standard of TF fandom on someone else.  I don't get to dismiss them for not being a "real fan" if they choose not to dig deeper in their fandom.

What I'm seeing from many geeks is the age-old case of forgetting where you came from.  A lot of geeks so easily forget that they were not always certified experts in the fandoms they enjoy.  They forget that we all started somewhere.  If you feel the way that the maker of the meme above does, ask yourself:  What if someone applied that same standard to you when you first became a fan?  What if someone stood at the imaginary gate and nerd-checked you?  How would you feel?  Would you still be here?  "IDGAF.  I'd say F 'em and keep it moving!", you might say.  Well, good for you, but you still don't get a pass to do it to someone else.  

See, what many of my fellow geeks fail to realize is, they don't get to decide what being a fan looks like for someone else.  Being a fan of something is, basically, liking that something.  Plain and simple.  Anything beyond that is up to that individual person.  That person hasn't been a fan as long as you?  So what?  Still a fan.  That person doesn't know the character front, back, and sideways like you do?  Doesn't matter.  Still a fan.  That person just now became a fan because of some movie that recently came out that probably only got it 50% correct at best?  Guess what?  Still a fan.  I'm not saying you're not allowed to be annoyed by these things.  You're well within your rights to, and like I said, I too feel annoyed by it at times.  But said annoyance does not give us the right dictate whether or not someone else gets to enjoy something.  No one needs approval from anyone else before claiming any fandom.

Seriously, y'all...  Stop thinking that your "hard work" at being a fan makes you more worthy of a fandom.  The fact that you've spent more time and money on a fandom doesn't make you better or make them "fake".  And even if they are fake, please tell me how them being "fake" directly affects you.  Is it causing you pain?  Does it prevent you from being a fan?  Is it really that much more harder out here for a geek because someone new who, according to you, doesn't know jack squat about "your" fandom, is claiming to be a fan?  Some of you act like you're getting paid to keep the gate and expose the "bandwagon" fans.  Newsflash, y'all...  The creators of whatever you like actually want new fans, and they definitely have no intentions of paying you to enforce all newcomers to jump through narrow, flaming hoops before they can call themselves fans.  

Speaking of "fake fans", I'm going to close out with a slight but very necessary tangent.  To all my male geeks, fanboys, geek guys, heck, even some of the fangirls out there...  

STOP NERD-CHECKING WOMEN JUST BECAUSE THEY'RE WOMEN!!!  

"But there are sooooooooo many fake nerd girls out there who are doing this just for attention!!!" you might say.  Well, first of all, I'm not saying I don't think they exist, but I seriously doubt they're as rampant as some would have us believe.  Even if there really is an abundance of "fake nerd girls", again, I say "...And?!"  The world will indeed go on if we don't expose every fake nerd girl out there.  I guarantee that no one will die as a result of giving these ladies the attention they are supposedly desperate for.  Again, I challenge anyone to convince me that some hot, fake nerd girls are really messin' up the game for you.  Truth be told, the concept of a "fake nerd girl" only exists because of the shullbit geek standards I've been ranting against for the past seven paragraphs.  Oh, and here's a thought...  Maybe, juuuuuuust maybe, some ladies really do genuinely like the things they "claim" to like.  It's not impossible.  In fact, it happens much more often than you think.  It's also very possible for a woman to both be attractive (even super model level attractive) and be a fan of whatever it is you are also a fan of.  And if you wanna get technical, there's plenty of research out there that shows that the ratio of male to female geeks is nowhere near as lopsided as many dudes would like to think, and the ratio is growing more and more even every year.  Guys, it's time for many of you to get over it and realize that we men do not own geekery.  It's not just for us, and we don't get to police who's allowed to be in this space and who doesn't.  Stop trying to "make geekery great again" with your "no girls allowed" signs.

Aiight, rant = over.  Fellow geeks, all I'm saying is it doesn't benefit anyone for us to be so noninclusive when it comes to "our" fandoms.  Geek out the way you want to geek out, and let others have the freedom to do the same without judgement.   

Cosplayin' - Behind the Mask

It's that time again.  About a half-month and some change left to go before one of my favorite events of the year:  Dragon*Con.  If you've never heard of or been to Dragon*Con, it's arguably the biggest geekery convention in the world.  The closest thing to geek heaven there is.  I only say "closest thing" because it's during Labor Day weekend, so it's still hot as fish grease outside in Atlanta, and, unless you can afford to pay for a room in a host hotel solo and are lucky enough to book one, you probably won't get to relax much.

Anyway, this yearly geekified staycation tradition began for me in 2012.  After several years of always seeing cosplayers on my lunch break on Labor Day Friday (my job is right above Peachtree Center food court and MARTA station) and hearing my co-workers talk about it (they're all fellow geeks, many of whom attend or work at Dragon*Con), I finally decided to see it for myself.

I already had a good base for a costume since I'd gone as Snake Eyes for Halloween a few times, so I just upgraded that and went on Saturday that year.  It would be pretty accurate to say I had a geek-gasm that day.  I was hooked, and went again the next year, but again with the same costume and only on Saturday, due to procrastination and budget restraints.

Last year, however, I decided to step my game up.  I finally added two more costumes to my arsenal.  I also bought a full weekend pass, using one costume per day Friday through Sunday.  On Saturday, I decided to wear one of my two new costumes, which was a mash-up of Samuel L. Jackson's Mace Windu and Jules Winnfield.  The costume was well received, but as I was walking around, I suddenly realized:  people can actually see my face!!!

Let me elaborate on why that was such a big deal for me.  I'm a big introvert at heart.  And, while I appreciate getting respect and recognition, I actually dislike being the center of attention (dancing and teaching salsa has definitely forced me to deal with helped me with that).  When I cosplayed as Snake Eyes the previous two years, I always had a mask on.  No one could see my face.  The same was true for the costume I wore for Friday, a mash-up of Jango Fett and Django: Unchained.  Even though everyone loved my Jules Windu, I still missed being masked.

In my 1st semester of college, my psychology professor made mention of a term called "an artificial audience", in which an insecure person automatically assumes that everyone around them is constantly judging and criticizing them on-sight.  Even before he explained the meaning of this concept, I knew that it described me perfectly.  When I was in High School, I always dreaded walking through the halways where all the popular kids hung out.  I always feared that someone would call me out and make fun of me, but it never happened.  Little did I know at the time, all the other kids were so busy worrying about themselves that they didn't have time to focus on me, which is really the case in life in general.

Hearing this from my professor helped me grow to the point where the fear of having "all eyes on me" no longer paralyzes me (and helped me realize that I had nothing to fear in the first place), but it's still something I have to suppress.  I was no longer hindered by an "artificial audience" in normal life and in the salsa scene, but cosplay was a new realm for me.  I didn't realize it at the time, but having a mask on aided that suppression.  I felt a sense of invisibility, but not in a Frodo Baggins kinda way.  I felt like people saw my character, but didn't see me.  I figured, even if the worst happened and my cosplay bombed, I, Myron, was still okay.

Of course, all this stuff is going on in my head.  Even as this epiphany happened, it didn't rock me so much that it showed on the outside.  I realized I was fine without the mask, but I also realized how much more comfortable I felt with it.  On Sunday, when I was wearing Snake Eyes again, I was chatting with a new cosplay friend of mine about this topic.  She agreed that wearing a mask is more freeing, but not necessarily for the sake of being anonymous.  She expressed that having a mask allows you to fully become the character you're cosplaying as; to be seen as that character.  You go from being a guy/girl dressed up as that character, to actually being that character.  I can definitely agree with that.  When I put my Snake Eyes costume on, I'm not just dressed up as Snake Eyes, I am Snake Eyes.

So yeah, that's what putting on a mask does for me.  Not only to I get to really become the character I'm cosplaying as, but it also helps me dispel my ungrounded fear of everyone watching and criticizing me.  But what about you guys?  Are you like me and have a preference either way, or is it not even that big of a deal for you?  I'd love to know how my fellow cosplayers feel about it, so sound off in the comments!

Re-visiting the Friend Zone

Poor Mario.

About 10 years ago, back when I was still on MySpace (MySpace?  What's that?), I wrote a blog entry about this God-forsaken land known as The Friend Zone.  As you could imagine, a lot has changed for me since then.  I'm in my early 30s now and have grown and matured a bit.  I also got married about a year ago, so fortunately, I will never have to step foot into that dreadful friend zone again.  However, through my experiences since then and conversations with others, my opinion on the matter has changed as well.  Although I wouldn't wish it on anyone, I don't think it is quite as bad as many make it out to be.  So let's get into it and address the friend zone once more. 

Before I get into how my views on this have changed, let me drop my 10 cents on how I feel about what quite a few people have said about the friend zone.  I've heard many people say, in what I think is an attempt to write the friend zone off as a myth, that the friend zone is simply just being friends with someone.  "There's nothing wrong with just being friends" they say.  While I agree that just being friends with someone is indeed a great thing and is not bad in and of itself, I beg to differ that the friend zone = just being friends.  I honestly don't think there'd be that much hoopla about it if that were the case.  My personal interpretation of the friend zone (if you google it, most definitions you find won't be too different) is when you have a love interest that is not reciprocated, which is so very much not the same as two people mutually deciding to be friends.

Speaking of my personal perspective, I've also come to realize that my view on it has been skewed by naivety.  I've found that many guys see the friend zone simply as any time a woman won't have sex with them.  Since I was abstinent for all of my adult life, the friend zone was strictly about relationships for me.  I wasn't trying to have sex, and neither were the women who I pursued, so that dynamic was never relevant to me.  Once I considered this, I began to understand some of the frustration that comes along with the friend zone; some guys just want sex but can't get it, and some women who are fed up with guys who feel entitled to sex.

Much of the frustration from the female end of this has led to the idea I mentioned previously, that the friend zone doesn't really exist; it's simply a result of guys being nice and pseudo-chivalrous to women, and in turn being upset when they don't get what they want, be it sex or otherwise.  And just like many guys mistakenly blame friend-zoning entirely on women, some women in turn have put the impetus entirely on men.  Again, I cannot agree that the friend zone is a myth, or that it's all men's (or women's) fault.  Obliviousness happens on both ends, where a woman doesn't see that a guy likes her even though it's obvious to her friends, or a guy fails to read the crystal-clear signs that a girl doesn't like him, so he proceeds to keep trying and getting shot down.  There are also some (emphasis on "some", in case y'all didn't catch that) women who string along men who don't have a chance with them, simply for what they can get out of it.  Having said all of that, while I don't subscribe to the belief that it's all on the guys, I can agree that, yes, we do it to ourselves sometimes.

Yep.  Most guys won't want to hear this, but many times, we put ourselves in the friend zone.  Of course, no man in his right mind would do this on purpose.  Heck naw.  But, in our efforts of pursuit, we inadvertently fail to make our intentions known early enough.  From asking for her Facebook info instead of her phone number, to setting up a time to "hang out" instead of asking for a legitimate date.  These things are different for every woman, and so is the time table for making your intentions known, but this is why many of us end up in the friend zone.  We mistakenly lead her to believe we never wanted more than that.  What sucks about this is that, when friend zoning happens to us in this way, we don't know we're there already.  And to complicate things further, many women and men alike (myself included) value establishing a strong friendship with someone prior to moving into a relationship, which makes navigating this minefield that much more difficult.

Here's another harsh truth:  we choose to be in the friend zone.  Yeah, you heard me right.  Being in the friend zone is a choice.  Now, before y'all blow up my comments, hear me out.  Say you've told that special someone that you like them and you want something more, but (s)he replies with "Aww, that's sweet, but you're like a brother/sister to me" or just a straight up "I don't like you like that."  You are at a crossroads at this point.  You are not yet in the friend zone, although some may see it that way.  At this point, you can either act like a character in a bad horror movie and keep travelling down that dark, backwater dirt road even though that old geezer at the gas station warned you that evil lurks that way, or you can throw up the proverbial deuces and make a hard left.  

To put it clearly, you do not have to enter the friend zone.  Both men and women in this situation have the power to not enter the friend zone, but I think this is where most guys fail.  For some reason, we view this rejection as a failure.  Whether it's our competitive nature, our drive to "conquer", or just plain old pride, we think we "lost".  We feel like we just have to escape the friend zone with that particular woman.  

Fellas, let me empower you here: just move on.  You did not "lose" because she doesn't want you.  She did not "win" because she rejected you.  Just wrong person, wrong time.  I know it's frustrating, but move on until you find someone who likes you back.  If you do not do so, you are choosing to jump feet first into that quicksand pit called the friend zone.  Don't get me wrong; you just might end up being the exception and she chooses to throw you a rope or a pair of ferrets to get you out.  But don't count on that.  You're better off assuming you're the rule and keeping it moving.  And if someone says "let's just be friends", there's nothing saying that you have to accept that.  I'm not saying completely cut the person off maliciously, but you may be at a point where continuing to interact regularly with someone you really like but doesn't like you back might not help with your sanity.  As long as you don't behave like a jerk in the process of stating so, you don't have to continue being friends with someone who doesn't want to be more than friends with you.  I'm not saying this should be the default option, but do what you know is best for you.

I hope all of this has helped relieve some of the confusion about the infamous friend zone, and given some hope about dealing with it as well.  I am by no means an expert in it, but hopefully my experiences and insight leaves you better equipped to deal with it.

Cosplayin': "The Best"

For those of you who've come to hang out with me on my blog more than a few times, you know that I write about a myriad of topics.  I can be all over the place at times (hence, the "Random" in "Random SMOOVEness").  One new topic that I'll be adding to the blog is my experiences in the world of cosplay and geek conventions.  Today's entry will be the first of many, entitled "Cosplayin'".  

A few days ago, I came across a cosplay article, which featured famous (or, "professional", if you will) cosplayer Yaya Han.  The writer of the article lists 10 reasons as to why Yaya is the "best cosplayer".  I don't think this article has gone viral or anything, but it definitely has the cosplay community talking.  I won't get too far into what's being said here, but suffice it to say that opinions of her vary greatly.

My 10 cents on the matter?  She's done amazing cosplays of some of my favorite characters (Psylocke and Baroness, specifically), and she was pretty nice to me for the few minutes that I was able to interact with her, so I got no beef with her.  I understand that many others have experiences with her that are polar opposites of mine, and therefore may not like her, and that's ok.  And I'm not even going to touch the argument as to who the best actually is.  Cosplay, in and of itself, is not a sport to compete in, so there's no official set of criteria or standards, making any attempt at figuring out who's "number 1" futile at best.

We could spend hours debating opinions about Yaya, but that's probably being done in numerous other places as I type this.  The other reason that this article is so polarizing is what really caught my attention:  not Yaya herself, but the idea of anyone being labeled "the best" cosplayer.  I think this concept in and of itself is what has struck a nerve with cosplayers the most.

You see, the cosplay community is supposed to be all about having fun and being supportive of each other.  We're already trying to deal with issues of bullying, sexual harassment, even body and gender shaming.  Adding unnecessary competition to the mix definitely doesn't help.  Outside of actual cosplay contests that take place at conventions, no one is out here trying to out-do someone else.  And unless a person chooses to be on a contest stage in that capacity, nobody wants to be subjected to judging and ranking and such.

At the end of the day, we all just want to celebrate and connect over our passion for geekery.  No one is out here to "win" cosplay.  So, while I don't think the author of the article meant to stir up any bad feelings or anything, I do see why many people are up in arms about the claim that a particular cosplayer is "the best".

Of course, me being me, I have to add a shot off devil's advocacy to this.  I do think that we need to stay away from competition and comparisons in cosplay, as it only causes animosity and divisiveness.  But I also think many of us in the community can be a bit oversensitive when it comes the word "best" being used.  Sure, it may not be the best adjective to use (I personally prefer to say "you're my favorite [insert character]" or "your [cosplay of character] is awesome"), but saying that someone is the best is not a knock on anyone else.  There are some who would take "you're the best" as a back-handed compliment of sorts.  They feel like the compliment giver is putting others down in the process.

While I do agree that a compliment that in turn puts down others is not a compliment at all, I cannot agree that saying someone is the best is the equivalent of that.  Unless someone is verbatim saying "Your [cosplay of character] is the best, all the others suck", saying one person is the best is not an automatic insult to anyone else.  Ricky Bobby's outlook on life should not apply to cosplay, or the rest of life for that matter.  This may be an unpopular opinion in the cosplay community, but if I'm dressed in my Snake Eyes costume and someone says to me "Your Snake Eyes is the best I've seen!", I'm not going to apologize for taking that as a compliment.  I'm definitely not going to let that statement go to my head, as I know my costume could still use some work, and I've seen others do the same character much better than me.  But if it was good enough to cause that person to have that opinion, I'm not going to make him feel bad for it.  I'm going to say "thank you" and keep it moving.

All I'm really trying to do here is provide different angles and a sense of balance to this.  Ideally, as a community, we'd like to stay away from competing with and judging each other.  Loosely claiming that this person or that person is the best can definitely hinder that goal.  However, if anyone wants to share their opinion, ill-informed or othewise, that someone is the best, they are well within their rights to, and that person is most likely not taking a shot at everybody else by making that statement.