America: The land of Entitlement

The United States of America: known as “The land of Opportunity.”

Our beloved country earned this reputation from the fact that countless immigrants from other nations have moved here for the chance at a better life. They moved from countries where there were not many opportunities to improve their way of living. Here in America, it is believed that no matter who you are or where you come from, you can make for yourself whatever kind of life you want, get whatever you want, live wherever you want, as long as you work hard enough for it.

Did I just say, “work hard”? Wow, good ol' hard work. Such a noble concept, but also such a foreign one nowadays. I have to wonder, where did all the hard workers go? Where did highly motivated go-getters go? I ask this because from what I’ve seen, our country’s alias has changed from “The Land of Opportunity” to “The Land of Entitlement.” Our modern American society seems to have what is called an Entitlement Complex. People feel that certain things are owed to them; that they deserve them. Maybe it’s because of our own Bill of Rights and Constitution that has convinced us that we have certain “rights” (not that I’m against having rights at all, but work with me here). Maybe it’s because a large portion of the advertising, marketing and media that we see is all geared towards convincing us that we “deserve” to have the newest and the best. Or maybe we’ve just become so spoiled by our society’s high standards that we think that certain things in our lives are just supposed to be automatic, and that there is something horribly wrong with the world if we don’t have what we’ve convinced ourselves we deserve. We no longer deserve things because we worked hard for them, we deserve them simply because we are Americans.

The words “entitlement” and “deserve” are fast becoming some of my least favorite. I’ve even seen the word “entitlement” used as a more positive-sounding label for welfare programs. I’m not saying that there aren’t people who legitimately need welfare, but to refer to welfare programs as “entitlement” gives the impression that people have a right to live and eat comfortably (relatively comfortable, considering the rest of the world’s standards as well) even if they aren’t making an effort to actually work for their lifestyle. I hear the word “deserve” thrown around way too much. “I deserve the best.” “I deserve more.” “You don’t deserve my time.” When I hear people say these things, whether they mean it that way or not, I can’t help but to hear arrogance. I mean, really, what makes you think you deserve something? Why do you deserve this thing or that thing? Why doesn’t someone deserve your time? Who are you and what have you done to be able to make such a claim? If you’ve really done something to be able to say such things, amen to that. You actually have a legitimate reason. But you do not deserve something just off the simple fact that you are able to make up in your mind that it is so. Americans specifically, but we as people in general would do well to get a sober, realistic judgment of what we really deserve, which isn’t much.

When you realize that you’re not really owed much of anything in this life, it helps you to be grateful for what you have. I’ve often said that having a sense of entitlement is like kryptonite to gratitude. When you feel as if you are owed or deserve to have something, it is nearly impossible to be grateful for it. You don’t have anywhere near the same appreciation for something that is simply handed to you that you do for something that you earned or worked hard for. An earned possession or privilege is worth more to you, and you are at least somewhat more justified in making a fuss about it if someone takes it from you or you otherwise lose it. Things that are just given to you routinely, not so much. Don’t get me wrong, I get just as upset when I don’t get something I want as the next person does, and understandably so, but some people will cause just as much or more chaos over losing something that they did not earn as they do for something that they did, and that is a serious problem.

I mentioned gratitude earlier and how feeling entitled keeps you from displaying it. When you feel that something is just automatically supposed to happen or you have a pre-determined expectation of something, it prevents you from showing appreciation for it. For example, I was reading an article written by one of my favorite relationship bloggers on twitter, @TheDatingTruth. In said article, the author expressed feeling that some women don’t know how to be grateful (Before any of y’all go jump off the deep end with that, I am only using this as an example. My point is not aimed at women.). She explains to her readers that a little bit of appreciation and gratitude towards a man goes a long way. She then addresses the fact that many women will hear this and think “Well, why should I thank him for something he’s supposed to do?” Regardless of gender, that type of attitude reeks of narcissism to me. First of all, just that fact that a person would already have in their minds that anything someone does is something that they’re “supposed” to do anyway is a bit arrogant, to say the least. Second, why not thank someone for doing something? Even if said person is doing something that they’re just supposed to do, even if it is their job and they get paid to do it, what’s wrong with saying a simple “thank you?” Those two words take little to no effort to say. Think about it: if you did something for someone, regardless if you did it on your own accord or if you were told to do it, or even if it’s in your job description, don’t you feel at lest the slightest bit better when someone smiles and says “thank you?” You’d think people would apply the golden rule here, but sadly, I would not be surprised if at least one person reading this actually has to Google “The Golden Rule” to figure out what it means. Anyway, my point here is that showing gratitude is not very difficult at all, if you have the correct mindset for it. In my humble opinion, if you have a problem with showing gratitude, if you find it beneath you to say thank you to someone just because they were doing their job or otherwise doing something they were “supposed to do”, you have some serious issues and you could stand to cancel your subscriptions to them.

All I’m really saying is, we all need to take a step back and think about how much we really do (or don’t) deserve. Having a sober judgment about this will give you a better perspective on life and make life just a little more pleasant for those around you as well. And lastly, remember that the words “please” and “thank you” are so very easy to say and mean more to people than you think. Alright, say them with me now: “please” and “thank you.” See? It wasn't that hard now, was it?

High Off Compliments

American writer Mark Twain once said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” I can definitely relate to that. While most who know me well would be correct in telling you that physical touch is my primary love language, words of affirmation is a very close second. It’s not that I need to be showered with compliments or told how great I am or anything. Far from that, actually. I spent years of my life being very insecure and self conscious; a result of getting picked on a lot in elementary and middle school (getting to the root of things helps tremendously). To a large degree, I’ve grown out of it; to a lesser, I’ve learned to hide it very well. I say all of this to say that when it comes to compliments, I don’t need you to massage my ego per se, I just need to be reminded every once in a while that I don’t suck.

I think that this is also the reason why I make the effort to compliment people when given the opportunity. It’s not my intent to butter up or flatter anyone. I may sound like a flatterer or a flirt when I give compliments, but I take care to never say something that I don’t wholeheartedly believe is true. I give people compliments, not just because it comes natural to me since that’s how I prefer to be loved, but because I’ve realized that thinking highly of someone doesn’t do much good if the person being thought highly of never knows about it. I can imagine someone being very good at what they do, but walking around thinking that he or she is only adequate or worse at it because no one ever took the time to say it. You just never know what a well-timed compliment can do for someone. You may brighten up someone’s day when she’s been having a Monday of Mondays. You could end up affirming the progress that someone has made when he’s been working hard to kick a bad habit. A genuine compliment or vote of confidence may just be all a person needs to get through a terrible day or to turn a situation around.

As I mentioned earlier, compliments affect me in a positive way because even though I’ve made tremendous strides in being more confident and less self-conscious, I still do need the occasional reminder that I’m “ok.” I especially love compliments on my dancing and teaching, as such is my passion. Again, not that I need to be told that I’m great, but more so that I like to know that I’m still doing something right; that I’m still moving in the right direction. Compliments in this area are more or less like taking inventory for me; a way for me to know that I’m still progressing as a dancer, or that I’m still being effective, personable and relatable as an instructor.

Speaking of dancing, there’s a thread on salsaforums.com (I go by the handle “Rugkutta”) called “Best Compliments Ever.” My fellow SFers and I go there to post various compliments that we’ve received on our dancing. Every once in a while I go through and re-read all my old posts in this thread just to see my progress as a dancer (and, I admit, to get a little ego boost). I’ve posted more than this, but here are the compliments that I’ve received that stood out to me. And yes, it’s my blog and I’ll brag if I want to ;-)

After a dance with world-famous salsa instructor Edie “The Salsa FREAK” Lewis:

"You have such a BEAUTIFUL lead! SMOOTH* like BUTTER!!!"

*She had no idea that I already had a "Smoove" nickname. ;-)

After a salsa dance:

"You have a unique style all your own! I could never fall asleep dancing with you!"

During an invitation to dance:

Me: Would you like to dance?

Salsera: Yeah, but not this one.

Me: Ok.

S: When I dance w/ anybody else in here, I'm good. But with you? .....

Me: (Humorously trying to sound offended) Oh, so whatchu tryin' to say?

S: You're intimidating.

Me: (In jest) Yeah, I do have that affect on ladies sometimes ;-)

Me: (Seriously) How so?

S: Your style, your posture...

(I had been working on my posture for the better part of that year, so it meant a lot to me to hear that.)

During a Facebook chat about salsa:

"You found yourself in (salsa). And it fits your body well! It looks beautiful on you!!!"

Another Facebook chat:

"You had a ‘balanced’ energy about you when you danced with me. You know how some people take themselves much too seriously when they are dancing with you? You are a mix of playful and skilled."

From an older, lovely latina lady I danced with:

"You're WAY too sexy for this. They shouldn't have let you in!"

A reply to a Facebook wall post where I thanked her for a dance the previous weekend:

"Papa, your bachata was like manjar. Thank you."

Asking a lady to dance a 2nd bachata in the same night:

Me: You don't mind a rematch, do you?
Her: No, not with YOU

After a bachata dance:

"Thank you for not doing the same old boring '1-2-3, 5-6-7' when you bachata."

A Facebook wall post from an out of town friend, after I met and danced with a mutual friend:

"We kept talking how lovely you are (as a dancer as well) for like 10 minute and made other gentlemen on the dinner table super jealous"

Don't Drink The Haterade

I’ve come to the unfortunate conclusion that I’ve become something that modern day society despises. I “hate” that it has come to this and am reluctant to admit it, but I’ve peacefully come to grips with this sad reality.

I am a “hater.”

I used to think that I wasn’t a hater. I’ve always subscribed to the original definition of the term. The common idea that I’ve seen from different definitions of the term that I’ve found (urbandictionary.com, wikipedia.com, wiktionary.com) is consistent with what I originally perceived it to mean. For the most part, a “hater” originally described someone who is so envious of another person that he or she is bent on preventing said person’s further success. A hater cannot stand to see that person do well and usually has no good reason to dislike or antagonize said person. I think most people would agree that such a person has issues. Most of us have better things to do than to be obsessed with someone else’s demise.

Even this definition of the term “hater” has become very popular. Many catch phrases and songs have been dedicated to “haters.” “Don’t be a hater.” “Let your haters be your motivators.” “Don’t hate, congratulate.” “Hi, Hater.” People have even come to measure their success by the amount of “haters” they have. One of my favorite comedians, Katt Williams has this to say about “haters”:

“Ladies, if you got 14 women hatin’ on you, you need to figure out how to get to 16 before the summer get here! Fellas, if you got 20 haters, you need 40 of them…!”

While I can agree that success inevitably comes with people who will be envious or jealous of you, there is a part of me that can’t really take this mindset seriously. I mean, do people really have that many enemies? That many “haters”? The way some people describe having “haters” sounds a lot like how people describe having roaches, rats, or any other kind of pest.

Okay, I’ve veered away from my main point, but I had to throw that out there. Again, if we go with the original meaning of the word, I am not a “hater.” But oh, how times (and definitions of words) have changed. If you consider the context in which the word “hater” is used in modern slang, movies, and music, a “hater” is now anyone who disagrees with you, dislikes your work, or even has an opinion that is contrary to what is popular, regardless of the legitimacy of your reasons. As you can probably imagine by now, I feel that this word is horribly misused and overused.

For example: I respect Kobe Bryant as a basketball player. I think he is arguably the best basketball player in the NBA right now and probably will be for quite some time. However, I do not like him because of his arrogance. The man entered the NBA draft out of High School and told the team that drafted him that he would no play for them and demanded to be traded. This just reeks of arrogance and ingratitude to me. However, if I so much as say that I don’t like Kobe Bryant, I would barely be able to shape my mouth to begin to state my case as to why before someone would label me as a “hater.” Another example, I dislike Soulja Boy’s music. I admit, the first few dozen times I heard “Crank Dat Soulja Boy” I danced right along with everyone else. However, after that got old and I actually paid attention to his lyrics, I felt that they lacked the substance I was looking for that would make me want to even hear his songs on the radio, let alone spend money on him. But again, let me even hint at the fact that I don’t like him, and someone will label me a “hater.”

Yet another example, I was having a conversation with a female friend of mine about men carrying “man-purses.” (I have to stop and say that I seriously question the masculinity of anything that has to have the prefix “man-“ added to it.) I respectfully stated that I don’t agree with men wearing “man-purses” or “man-bags”, and that you wouldn’t catch me wearing one. She quickly responded, saying “You can’t hate!!! Everyone has their own style.” “How am I hating? I’m just stating my opinion?” I asked. Can I not have my own opinion? Is it not ok to disagree with someone or something? Am I forever doomed to have to conform to what is popular?

In this American society where everyone believes they’re entitled to so much (there goes yet another word I’ve come to hate: “entitlement,” but that’s another blog for another day. Oh, look! I said “hate” again. I’m such a hater), one would think I’d be entitled to have and state my own opinion, but I guess that’s too much to ask nowadays. If you’re not down with what’s popular, if you don’t like what everybody else likes, you’re a “hater.” Don’t dare play “Devil’s Advocate” or offer constructive criticism. You might be considered king of the haters for going that far. Considering all of this, I decided to go ahead and label myself a “hater.” I am a “hater-hater”, if that makes any sense. I’m hatin’ on the whole concept of “hatin’.” I encourage anyone reading this to not be afraid of being called a “hater.” Don’t drink the haterade that society is serving you and think that you have give up your ability to think independently and decide for yourself if you like something or not. To paraphrase Common, a hip-hop artist that I highly respect, “If you don’t like it, you don’t like it. That don’t mean that you’re hatin’.”

"You's a FOOL."

Ah, yes. April 1, 2011. “April Fool’s Day,” once again. Being the inquisitive person that I am, I thought about the word “fool,” since it apparently goes along with today’s theme. Myself included, we often throw around this word very loosely. I figured it would do us all some good to really take time out to gain an accurate understanding of what a “fool” is and what it means to be one.

Whenever I come across a new word or a word I otherwise am not sure that I have an understanding of, I head over to dictionary.com on my handy-dandy iPhone. What a concept! Don’t know what a word means? Look it up! *END SARCASM* I feel this is important because countless words have strayed from their original meaning, so far that many of us often don’t realize what we’re really saying when we use particular words. The word “fool” has a few meanings, but the first definition listed is this:

-noun

1. A silly or stupid person; a person who lacks judgment or sense.

I also decided to consult God’s word –The Bible– (there’s another worthwhile concept) regarding what it means to be a fool. The word “fool” and its many derivatives appear countless times throughout the Bible, but the best place to find the characteristics of foolery can be found in the book of Proverbs. There are many verses that touch on this subject, but here are the ones that stood out to me.

A “fool”:


– Despises wisdom and instruction. (Proverbs 1:7)

– Is complacent. (Proverbs 1:32)

– Talks (chatters) too much. (Proverbs 10:8, 10)

– Lies and slanders. (Proverbs 10:18)

– Will eventually DIE from lack of sense. (Proverbs 10:21)

– Finds pleasure in wickedness. (Proverbs 10:23)

– Does not listen to advice. (Proverbs 12:15)

– Shows annoyance at once. (Proverbs 12:16)

– Detests turning from evil. (Proverbs 13:19)

– Tears down her own house. (Proverbs 14:1) *Scripture specifically addresses women, but I’m pretty sure many a male fool has done the same.*

– Is prideful. (Proverbs 14:3)

– Mocks at making amends for sin. (Proverbs 14:9)

– Is hotheaded, yet feels secure. (Proverbs 14:16)

– Is quick-tempered. (Proverbs 14:17)

– Has wandering eyes. (Proverbs 17:24)

– Delights in airing his/her own opinions. (Proverbs 18:2)

– Is quick to quarrel. (Proverbs 19:29)

– Is wise in his/her own eyes. (Proverbs 26:5)

– Repeats folly. (Proverbs 26:11)

– Gives full vent to rage. (Proverbs 29:11)

– Speaks in haste. (Proverbs 29:20)

– Exalts himself. (Proverbs 30:32)


Despite the fact that this list is not at all exhaustive, I’m pretty sure everyone has fallen or still does fall under at least one of these characteristics, myself included. This is very convicting, to say the least. I implore anyone who is reading this to take these scriptures to heart. Ask yourself: Are my ways foolish? We are very foolish indeed if we refuse to acknowledge and address the foolery in our lives when pointed out to us.