High Off Compliments

American writer Mark Twain once said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” I can definitely relate to that. While most who know me well would be correct in telling you that physical touch is my primary love language, words of affirmation is a very close second. It’s not that I need to be showered with compliments or told how great I am or anything. Far from that, actually. I spent years of my life being very insecure and self conscious; a result of getting picked on a lot in elementary and middle school (getting to the root of things helps tremendously). To a large degree, I’ve grown out of it; to a lesser, I’ve learned to hide it very well. I say all of this to say that when it comes to compliments, I don’t need you to massage my ego per se, I just need to be reminded every once in a while that I don’t suck.

I think that this is also the reason why I make the effort to compliment people when given the opportunity. It’s not my intent to butter up or flatter anyone. I may sound like a flatterer or a flirt when I give compliments, but I take care to never say something that I don’t wholeheartedly believe is true. I give people compliments, not just because it comes natural to me since that’s how I prefer to be loved, but because I’ve realized that thinking highly of someone doesn’t do much good if the person being thought highly of never knows about it. I can imagine someone being very good at what they do, but walking around thinking that he or she is only adequate or worse at it because no one ever took the time to say it. You just never know what a well-timed compliment can do for someone. You may brighten up someone’s day when she’s been having a Monday of Mondays. You could end up affirming the progress that someone has made when he’s been working hard to kick a bad habit. A genuine compliment or vote of confidence may just be all a person needs to get through a terrible day or to turn a situation around.

As I mentioned earlier, compliments affect me in a positive way because even though I’ve made tremendous strides in being more confident and less self-conscious, I still do need the occasional reminder that I’m “ok.” I especially love compliments on my dancing and teaching, as such is my passion. Again, not that I need to be told that I’m great, but more so that I like to know that I’m still doing something right; that I’m still moving in the right direction. Compliments in this area are more or less like taking inventory for me; a way for me to know that I’m still progressing as a dancer, or that I’m still being effective, personable and relatable as an instructor.

Speaking of dancing, there’s a thread on salsaforums.com (I go by the handle “Rugkutta”) called “Best Compliments Ever.” My fellow SFers and I go there to post various compliments that we’ve received on our dancing. Every once in a while I go through and re-read all my old posts in this thread just to see my progress as a dancer (and, I admit, to get a little ego boost). I’ve posted more than this, but here are the compliments that I’ve received that stood out to me. And yes, it’s my blog and I’ll brag if I want to ;-)

After a dance with world-famous salsa instructor Edie “The Salsa FREAK” Lewis:

"You have such a BEAUTIFUL lead! SMOOTH* like BUTTER!!!"

*She had no idea that I already had a "Smoove" nickname. ;-)

After a salsa dance:

"You have a unique style all your own! I could never fall asleep dancing with you!"

During an invitation to dance:

Me: Would you like to dance?

Salsera: Yeah, but not this one.

Me: Ok.

S: When I dance w/ anybody else in here, I'm good. But with you? .....

Me: (Humorously trying to sound offended) Oh, so whatchu tryin' to say?

S: You're intimidating.

Me: (In jest) Yeah, I do have that affect on ladies sometimes ;-)

Me: (Seriously) How so?

S: Your style, your posture...

(I had been working on my posture for the better part of that year, so it meant a lot to me to hear that.)

During a Facebook chat about salsa:

"You found yourself in (salsa). And it fits your body well! It looks beautiful on you!!!"

Another Facebook chat:

"You had a ‘balanced’ energy about you when you danced with me. You know how some people take themselves much too seriously when they are dancing with you? You are a mix of playful and skilled."

From an older, lovely latina lady I danced with:

"You're WAY too sexy for this. They shouldn't have let you in!"

A reply to a Facebook wall post where I thanked her for a dance the previous weekend:

"Papa, your bachata was like manjar. Thank you."

Asking a lady to dance a 2nd bachata in the same night:

Me: You don't mind a rematch, do you?
Her: No, not with YOU

After a bachata dance:

"Thank you for not doing the same old boring '1-2-3, 5-6-7' when you bachata."

A Facebook wall post from an out of town friend, after I met and danced with a mutual friend:

"We kept talking how lovely you are (as a dancer as well) for like 10 minute and made other gentlemen on the dinner table super jealous"