Just NASTY

- I consider myself a hygienic person. I shower daily; more than once if necessary. I wash my hair so much that my mom once accused me of being white (hey, I had a bad experience with dandruff once; used too much Murray's wave grease). I lotion regularly and can't stand being ashy. I use cologne (Burberry Brit, Bvlgari & Jovan N-R-G are my weapons of choice) and get often get compliments on it. I brush my teeth regularly and keep a pack of Altoids in my pocket at all times. I say all this to say that I'm pretty confident that I don't have a B.O. problem. However, every once in a while, something happens that makes me second-guess myself.

You see, there's this guy that works the night shift at my job. For some strange reason, despite the fact that I've sat at multiple locations throughout my time here, this dude manages to end up sitting at my desk overnight. This, in and of itself, I do not have a problem with. However, dude apparently does not have a good sense of personal hygiene. I shudder to even wonder how often (or not) he takes a shower. When I come in to work, I sit down and clock in to my computer and phone as normal. I never notice it right away. Eventually, I move around in my seat, and that's when it hits. That repulsive, musty man-funk that has become deep-seated in my chair from him sitting in it for a whole 8-hour shift, wafts up to my nose. Somehow, I'm able to keep from gagging aloud. Sometimes, I'm able to switch my seat w/ another unused one, but when I'm not, I spend the day feeling all self-conscious about how I smell. I'm like, "Ok... I did take a shower this morning, right? And I just washed these jeans... That can't be me, can it?"

Until something is done about said person and his hygiene (or lack thereof), I've decided to take preventative measures. I keep a bottle of FeBreeze in my work locker. Before I sit down, I smell the back-rest of my chair (ain't no way I'm putting my nose in the actual seat. Naw, shawty... cain't e'en do it). If I get any hint of mustiness, I still switch my seat, but before I do, I walk back to my locker to retrieve my fresh-gun and proceed to hose it down. Being the considerate guy that I am, I would hate to set up the next poor soul who happens to get that chair to suffer the same fate.

'Cause that's JUST NASTY.

- Speaking of my place of work, I've noticed that, almost without exception, everyone at my job is either a computer geek/nerd, a chain smoker, or both. Now, I'm used to being around smokers. My dad has smoked for as long as I've known him, but he's never just wreaked of smoke. Mostly because he drenches himself in cologne (I once let him borrow a bottle of polo, only to have it be all but depleted within a few short weeks), but also because he has the decency to roll down the window when smoking in the car. The dudes I work w/ are a different story. I get within 4 feet of some of them and it's all too obvious that they smoke like a fire. However, that isn't the worst part, by any means. ***WARNING: TMI COMING UP. There, I warned you ;-)*** We all know how bad it is to walk into a public restroom just after someone bombed it. This horrific smell is amplified when said bomber is a heavy smoker. Apparently, all that nicotine and methane (or whatever the heck else is in cigarettes... I really don't care to know) permeates through that person's body and contributes to the already disgusting smell. I hope none of you have to witness that smell. My words can never truly describe it.

It... It's... JUST NASTY.

(I've been trying to write this next one since '06. For some strange reason, my laptop would always freeze or blue-screen me whenever I was about to finish. Here goes...)

- I still remember the first time that I visited the men's restroom on the lower level of Lenox Mall. I walked in and noticed what I can best describe as a fork in the road. Two separate, long rooms separated by a wall in the middle. To the left are all the urinals. So, I proceeded to take care of my business. As I walked out, I expected to pass the sinks so that I could wash my hands like any other hygienically inclined person would do. Unfortunately, there were no sinks on my way out. I could have very easily walked out of there w/ out seeing a sink. I decided not to give up, so I searched the bathroom for the sinks (one would think you wouldn't have to search for a sink in a restroom). I found that the sinks are on the other side of the bathroom where the stalls are. Ok, so you're probably thinking to yourself, "Big deal. So what, you have to look for the sinks." I would wholeheartedly agree with you on that, but consider this. I would like to think that most people would put forth that type of effort to wash their hands, even if the sinks weren't conveniently placed on the way out of the restroom. However, I can imagine that there are probably some people who only wash their hands because they see a sink on the way out; people who wouldn't give a second thought to it otherwise. Add that to the amount of people who probably don't wash their hands anyway, and you have a disturbing number of guys who leave the bathroom at Lenox mall without washing their hands.

And what's the first thing you see upon leaving said bathroom? The food court.

Now that's JUST NASTY.