Re-visiting the Friend Zone

Poor Mario.

About 10 years ago, back when I was still on MySpace (MySpace?  What's that?), I wrote a blog entry about this God-forsaken land known as The Friend Zone.  As you could imagine, a lot has changed for me since then.  I'm in my early 30s now and have grown and matured a bit.  I also got married about a year ago, so fortunately, I will never have to step foot into that dreadful friend zone again.  However, through my experiences since then and conversations with others, my opinion on the matter has changed as well.  Although I wouldn't wish it on anyone, I don't think it is quite as bad as many make it out to be.  So let's get into it and address the friend zone once more. 

Before I get into how my views on this have changed, let me drop my 10 cents on how I feel about what quite a few people have said about the friend zone.  I've heard many people say, in what I think is an attempt to write the friend zone off as a myth, that the friend zone is simply just being friends with someone.  "There's nothing wrong with just being friends" they say.  While I agree that just being friends with someone is indeed a great thing and is not bad in and of itself, I beg to differ that the friend zone = just being friends.  I honestly don't think there'd be that much hoopla about it if that were the case.  My personal interpretation of the friend zone (if you google it, most definitions you find won't be too different) is when you have a love interest that is not reciprocated, which is so very much not the same as two people mutually deciding to be friends.

Speaking of my personal perspective, I've also come to realize that my view on it has been skewed by naivety.  I've found that many guys see the friend zone simply as any time a woman won't have sex with them.  Since I was abstinent for all of my adult life, the friend zone was strictly about relationships for me.  I wasn't trying to have sex, and neither were the women who I pursued, so that dynamic was never relevant to me.  Once I considered this, I began to understand some of the frustration that comes along with the friend zone; some guys just want sex but can't get it, and some women who are fed up with guys who feel entitled to sex.

Much of the frustration from the female end of this has led to the idea I mentioned previously, that the friend zone doesn't really exist; it's simply a result of guys being nice and pseudo-chivalrous to women, and in turn being upset when they don't get what they want, be it sex or otherwise.  And just like many guys mistakenly blame friend-zoning entirely on women, some women in turn have put the impetus entirely on men.  Again, I cannot agree that the friend zone is a myth, or that it's all men's (or women's) fault.  Obliviousness happens on both ends, where a woman doesn't see that a guy likes her even though it's obvious to her friends, or a guy fails to read the crystal-clear signs that a girl doesn't like him, so he proceeds to keep trying and getting shot down.  There are also some (emphasis on "some", in case y'all didn't catch that) women who string along men who don't have a chance with them, simply for what they can get out of it.  Having said all of that, while I don't subscribe to the belief that it's all on the guys, I can agree that, yes, we do it to ourselves sometimes.

Yep.  Most guys won't want to hear this, but many times, we put ourselves in the friend zone.  Of course, no man in his right mind would do this on purpose.  Heck naw.  But, in our efforts of pursuit, we inadvertently fail to make our intentions known early enough.  From asking for her Facebook info instead of her phone number, to setting up a time to "hang out" instead of asking for a legitimate date.  These things are different for every woman, and so is the time table for making your intentions known, but this is why many of us end up in the friend zone.  We mistakenly lead her to believe we never wanted more than that.  What sucks about this is that, when friend zoning happens to us in this way, we don't know we're there already.  And to complicate things further, many women and men alike (myself included) value establishing a strong friendship with someone prior to moving into a relationship, which makes navigating this minefield that much more difficult.

Here's another harsh truth:  we choose to be in the friend zone.  Yeah, you heard me right.  Being in the friend zone is a choice.  Now, before y'all blow up my comments, hear me out.  Say you've told that special someone that you like them and you want something more, but (s)he replies with "Aww, that's sweet, but you're like a brother/sister to me" or just a straight up "I don't like you like that."  You are at a crossroads at this point.  You are not yet in the friend zone, although some may see it that way.  At this point, you can either act like a character in a bad horror movie and keep travelling down that dark, backwater dirt road even though that old geezer at the gas station warned you that evil lurks that way, or you can throw up the proverbial deuces and make a hard left.  

To put it clearly, you do not have to enter the friend zone.  Both men and women in this situation have the power to not enter the friend zone, but I think this is where most guys fail.  For some reason, we view this rejection as a failure.  Whether it's our competitive nature, our drive to "conquer", or just plain old pride, we think we "lost".  We feel like we just have to escape the friend zone with that particular woman.  

Fellas, let me empower you here: just move on.  You did not "lose" because she doesn't want you.  She did not "win" because she rejected you.  Just wrong person, wrong time.  I know it's frustrating, but move on until you find someone who likes you back.  If you do not do so, you are choosing to jump feet first into that quicksand pit called the friend zone.  Don't get me wrong; you just might end up being the exception and she chooses to throw you a rope or a pair of ferrets to get you out.  But don't count on that.  You're better off assuming you're the rule and keeping it moving.  And if someone says "let's just be friends", there's nothing saying that you have to accept that.  I'm not saying completely cut the person off maliciously, but you may be at a point where continuing to interact regularly with someone you really like but doesn't like you back might not help with your sanity.  As long as you don't behave like a jerk in the process of stating so, you don't have to continue being friends with someone who doesn't want to be more than friends with you.  I'm not saying this should be the default option, but do what you know is best for you.

I hope all of this has helped relieve some of the confusion about the infamous friend zone, and given some hope about dealing with it as well.  I am by no means an expert in it, but hopefully my experiences and insight leaves you better equipped to deal with it.

Cosplayin': "The Best"

For those of you who've come to hang out with me on my blog more than a few times, you know that I write about a myriad of topics.  I can be all over the place at times (hence, the "Random" in "Random SMOOVEness").  One new topic that I'll be adding to the blog is my experiences in the world of cosplay and geek conventions.  Today's entry will be the first of many, entitled "Cosplayin'".  

A few days ago, I came across a cosplay article, which featured famous (or, "professional", if you will) cosplayer Yaya Han.  The writer of the article lists 10 reasons as to why Yaya is the "best cosplayer".  I don't think this article has gone viral or anything, but it definitely has the cosplay community talking.  I won't get too far into what's being said here, but suffice it to say that opinions of her vary greatly.

My 10 cents on the matter?  She's done amazing cosplays of some of my favorite characters (Psylocke and Baroness, specifically), and she was pretty nice to me for the few minutes that I was able to interact with her, so I got no beef with her.  I understand that many others have experiences with her that are polar opposites of mine, and therefore may not like her, and that's ok.  And I'm not even going to touch the argument as to who the best actually is.  Cosplay, in and of itself, is not a sport to compete in, so there's no official set of criteria or standards, making any attempt at figuring out who's "number 1" futile at best.

We could spend hours debating opinions about Yaya, but that's probably being done in numerous other places as I type this.  The other reason that this article is so polarizing is what really caught my attention:  not Yaya herself, but the idea of anyone being labeled "the best" cosplayer.  I think this concept in and of itself is what has struck a nerve with cosplayers the most.

You see, the cosplay community is supposed to be all about having fun and being supportive of each other.  We're already trying to deal with issues of bullying, sexual harassment, even body and gender shaming.  Adding unnecessary competition to the mix definitely doesn't help.  Outside of actual cosplay contests that take place at conventions, no one is out here trying to out-do someone else.  And unless a person chooses to be on a contest stage in that capacity, nobody wants to be subjected to judging and ranking and such.

At the end of the day, we all just want to celebrate and connect over our passion for geekery.  No one is out here to "win" cosplay.  So, while I don't think the author of the article meant to stir up any bad feelings or anything, I do see why many people are up in arms about the claim that a particular cosplayer is "the best".

Of course, me being me, I have to add a shot off devil's advocacy to this.  I do think that we need to stay away from competition and comparisons in cosplay, as it only causes animosity and divisiveness.  But I also think many of us in the community can be a bit oversensitive when it comes the word "best" being used.  Sure, it may not be the best adjective to use (I personally prefer to say "you're my favorite [insert character]" or "your [cosplay of character] is awesome"), but saying that someone is the best is not a knock on anyone else.  There are some who would take "you're the best" as a back-handed compliment of sorts.  They feel like the compliment giver is putting others down in the process.

While I do agree that a compliment that in turn puts down others is not a compliment at all, I cannot agree that saying someone is the best is the equivalent of that.  Unless someone is verbatim saying "Your [cosplay of character] is the best, all the others suck", saying one person is the best is not an automatic insult to anyone else.  Ricky Bobby's outlook on life should not apply to cosplay, or the rest of life for that matter.  This may be an unpopular opinion in the cosplay community, but if I'm dressed in my Snake Eyes costume and someone says to me "Your Snake Eyes is the best I've seen!", I'm not going to apologize for taking that as a compliment.  I'm definitely not going to let that statement go to my head, as I know my costume could still use some work, and I've seen others do the same character much better than me.  But if it was good enough to cause that person to have that opinion, I'm not going to make him feel bad for it.  I'm going to say "thank you" and keep it moving.

All I'm really trying to do here is provide different angles and a sense of balance to this.  Ideally, as a community, we'd like to stay away from competing with and judging each other.  Loosely claiming that this person or that person is the best can definitely hinder that goal.  However, if anyone wants to share their opinion, ill-informed or othewise, that someone is the best, they are well within their rights to, and that person is most likely not taking a shot at everybody else by making that statement.

Defensive Dancing

***DISCLAIMER: 

If you agree with this blog.... Good.

If you think I'm talking about you...  I probably am.

If you don't think this applies to you...  It probably does. 

If it does apply to you...  It's not personal.  I probably still like you as a person... I just can't stand dancing next to you.***

Ok.  Now that I've got that out the way...

I ranted, raved, and complained wrote in a blog entry a few years back about the lack of floorcraft in the salsa scene, and how we'd all be dead if many people's driving matched their dance floor navigation.  Not much has changed since then, unfortunately.  Folks are still out here dancing as if no one else is on the floor with them, having a dangerous "I don't care how crowded it is, I'm finna get these moves out" mentality.  So here I am, getting back on my high-horse one 'mo 'gain (that's "once more, again" for those who don't follow), trying to change the salsa world one blog at a time. 

Ok, don't get me wrong, y'all; I understand that the dance floor is often a crowded place.  Accidents are going to happen, and no matter how hard you try, you can't avoid them completely.  However, this is not an excuse to dance with reckless abandon.  It's one thing when beginners and casual "I go salsa dancing once or twice a year at most" dancers do inconsiderate things, like not keeping their space, backing onto a dance floor blindly (I hope y'all don't back out of parking spots like that...), and cramming onto a dance floor when the more considerate thing to do would be to just sit the song out (Sit the song out? That's out of the question! -_-).  It's no less annoying when it's the beginners, but forgivable.  What irks me the most is that, far too often, it's the salseros who are guilty of the same foolishness.  Social dancing veterans who really should know better.  

Now, the old me used to take the path of least resistance and just move away from wild dancers.  Since there are a crap-ton of wild dancers on the floor at any given time, this meant that I would end up doing more dodging than dancing, which I quickly grew tired of.  This lead me to develop I technique I call "defensive dancing".  

Defensive dancing is basically holding your ground; using your body language and dancing to convey to others, "HEY! I've been maintaining my space this whole time.  You should do the same."  Yes, the kicker here is that, to use defensive dancing, you yourself have to already be practicing good floorcraft: keeping your moves small, being consistent in what and how much space you're using to dance, making sure you have room to execute your moves before you do them... You know, things every "good" dancer should know and practice already.  In other words, check yourself, first.

Once you've determined all of the above, you position yourself so that if any reckless dancers around you should intrude on your space, they bump into you, and not your partner.  Yes, fellas... this means taking one for the team and being a gentleman.  Another thing I do is that I've conditioned myself to, upon contact, give a little push back.  Not enough to really push, but just enough for the person to realize, "Oh, this person isn't going to move out of my way.  Oh wait... Maybe I'm actually in his way."  I also do this when someone chooses to squeeze their way into space next to me that is obviously too small to dance in.  For instance, numerous times I've been dancing less than a body width away from the edge of the floor, and someone decides to, in their infinite wisdom, cram into that space.  It doesn't always work, but more often than not, they get the picture and move on to an area with a bit more space.

I use defensive dancing, not just because I don't want to spend the majority of a dance rescuing my partner from the paths of reckless, inconsiderate people (although I'm more than willing to do so), but also because if all we do is move out of their way, those dancers will never get the hint that they indeed are taking up too much space or not watching where they're going.  "Well, who died made you the traffic cop, Myron?"  Nobody, actually, but somebody has to do it.  "But salsa is about having fun!" you might say.  Well, having fun and being considerate aren't mutually exclusive.  And it's always all fun & salsa until you get crucified to the floor by a stiletto, or you darn near get KO'd by a random ladies styling arm.  

UNappreciation (Part 3 of 3): Transformers - Dark Of The Moon

It's been a long time... I shouldn'a left you... Without a dope blog to... Ok, ok... I'll stop being corny.  Anyways, we're a few months shy of a year since my last "UNappreciation" blog about my childhood heroes gone wrong.  I figured I'd better get part three out of the way before TF: Age Of Extinction hits the theaters.  So, without any further adieu, I shall now switch to Generation 1 fanboy mode to bring you "UNappreciation part 3: Dark Of The Moon"

I actually liked the intro, which showed what things were like on Cybertron back when the war was in full swing.  Pretty nice for a Michael Bay idea.

Ok, so the whole "aliens crash-landed on the dark side of the moon, so that's why we haven't gone back in ages" idea was pretty decent.  But I have one question...  If a ship can get shot down before barely leaving Cybertron's orbit and crash on the moon, no less, how freakin' close is Cybertron to Earth?  If Cybertron is close enough for that to happen, why haven't the Decepticons tried to take over long before now?

Prior to the movie coming out, I did my customary pre-movie reconnaissance on the details.  I was delighted to find that Spike Sam Witwicky's love interest was no longer going to be played by Megan Fox, and her character's name was to be Carly (played by Rosie Huntington-Whiteley).  Given that his girlfriend and eventual wife in the cartoon was a blonde bombshell of the same name, I felt this should have been the case from the beginning.   

But first... Let me take a SELFIE.

Our first new transformer of the movie is the Autobot's Dino.  Before I take a shot of haterade and get into what I don't like about this situation, I will say that Dino, in and of himself, is pretty awesome.  However, there is so much wrong with him.  

Up until the movie came out, Dino's name was supposed to be Mirage.  Mirage was one of the original 18 Autobots who crash-landed on Earth aboard The Ark in the cartoon.  I was excited that another G1 character was supposedly going to get some shine in the live-action movies, only to be disappointed to find out that he was going to be a red Ferrari.  I wasn't so much upset about him being a Ferrari (I mean, how often do you see a Formula 1 race car on the highway?), but about him being red.  Previously, characters like Optimus Prime, Ironhide, and Sideswipe, who were supposed to be red, were made to be other colors.  Why?  Because Michael Bay said red "does not photograph well on film".  Wait, so now you can make a red transformer?  One who was supposed to be blue?  On top of that, his name gets changed to "Dino", just because Ferrari asked them to name him after the founder of the company.  So, instead of giving some screen time to a transformer we know and love, we have a made-up character just to kiss up to folks.

  

 

Windcharger, Cliffjumper, Overdrive, and Chase.  

Four perfectly good red Autobot car names that

 could have been used instead of "Dino".  -_-

Our next debuting transformer is Shockwave and his er... um... "pet".  I thought it pretty cool that ol' one-eye finally made an appearance.  They did his personality justice, as he comes across as cold and menacing.  However, I felt they could have done more with him.  

Shockwave was a cold & ruthless bot, driven completely by logic... 

Logic that, in the comics, drove him on occasion to the conclusion that 

Megatron was no longer fit to lead the 'Cons.  

How's that for logic?

 I had to wonder why and for how long he was just hiding on Earth, but knowing how much of a genious and strategist he was, I wouldn't put it past him him to have had a method to his madness on that.  Speaking of which, they really could have expounded on the cold, calculating aspect of his personality, but one could make the argument that doing so probably would have taken away from the main plot of the movie.  So I kinda get why they didn't do much else with him, but it still sucks that he was really just thrown in there. It would have been nice to see him transform at least once.  Oh, and what the heck's up with that big... um... robo-tremor thing?  Where did that come from?  Not trying to deny its awesomeness at all, but I don't think I'd ever seen anything close to it in any TF continuity.

Ah, we finally get to see Laserbeak on-screen.  He's one of the few characters who I feel they nailed it with.  More on him a little later, but for right now, his debut scene is pretty awesome.

"What is this, the silent treatment?" 

"We've seen that and this is not that. This is worse... He's pissed."

- Charlotte Mearing & Ironhide, discussing Prime's... "mood." 

Charlotte Mearing... Yet another arrogant human officer.  

Y'all gon' learn to stop talkin' sideways to 30 ft tall robots who can squash you like an ant.

 

Next up for the Autobots is "Que".  Seriously, y'all... First Jetfire, now this?  What is it with Michael Bay making all these Autobots look old?  Also, even if you're not like me and didn't look up the potential characters before the movie came out, you can tell by Que's untested new weapons and gadgets and such that he was supposed to be Wheeljack, the Autobots' resident mad scientist.  I understand him being a luxury car instead of Wheeljack's Lancia Stratos (Que's alt mode fit with the secret mission they did earlier), but they still could have named him correctly.  I mean, raise your hand if you ever heard of another Transformer named "Que"... #DontWorryIllWait

  

In both looks and personality, 

the main human antagonist, Dylan Gould, 

reminds me of a mix of  MMA's Chael Sonnen and WCW's Eric Bischoff.

Here, we have Sentinel Prime.  Given that all of his appearances in the cartoon and comics --to my knowledge-- were very brief, it was pretty hard to mess this one up.  In all incarnations, he was one of the previous Primes who came before Optimus Prime, and the same goes here.  For those who didn't recognize his voice, he was played by Leonard Nimoy, the same voice actor who played Galvatron in Transformers: The Movie (I would have loved it if they kept him for season 3 of the cartoon, but anyway...).

Ok, Megatron is back, and not looking very hot, might I add.  When I first read that Megs was going to have a truck as an alt-mode, I was like "why the heck would he downgrade to a truck?!?!"  However, after some thought, I can understand why.  In the first two movies, he was either being revived or resurrected, and immediately went into "take over the planet" mode, so he never really had a desire or need to take an Earth-based alt-mode.  Here, he's still trying to take over the world as always, but can't afford to be so direct and bold about it, hence the uncharacteristic alt-mode.  Still kinda sucks to see ol' Megs down on his luck, though.

Daaaaaaang, homie... On Cybertron, you was the MAAAAAAN, homie.  The slag happened to you?

Here's another reason I loved what they did with Laserbeak.  It's the one thing I give the "Bayformers" movies props on over the cartoons and comics: TFs being able to freely change their alt-modes to fit the current situation.  It definitely plays towards the "robots in disguise" theme a lot more.

Deep. Wang.

Loved the "Easter Egg" they threw in with Laserbeak in disguise the copier's sound effects :-)

"I take my orders from the Autobots.  I know them; I don't know you."

- Sam vs Charlotte Mearing.

"I will overlook your condescending tone if you heed the gravity of mine."

- Sentinel Prime vs Charlotte Mearing

The Dreads (who?): Crankcase, Crowbar, & Hatchet

Up next for the Decepticons are "The Dreads", a trio of black Chevy Suburbans.  Though they made for an awesome action sequence, the problem I have with them is all too familiar. Only one of the Dreads (Crankcase) was an actual TF character prior to this movie, so yet again, we have a case of reaching for obscure characters or making them up instead of giving limelight to more popular characters that we've been waiting to see.  Ok, I know I've been heavily lobbying for them in past rants, but seeing how Breakdown has already been made to have a similar alt mode in Transformers: Prime, I don't think it would have been a stretch to use the Stunticons here instead.  But what do I know?

My favorite scene in the whole movie...

Dino = Kratos?

“Whoa, we got us a little Mexican standoff!”

“Weapons down!”

“...And we'll let you escape with your dignity...”

Sideswipe & Ironhide vs Crankcase & Crowbar

As tragic and down-right effed-up as Ironhide's death was, I do love how this scene was a throwback to Ironhide's G1 characteristics.  He was heavily armored in the front, but weakly armored in the back, which is probably why Sentinel chose to shoot him in the back.

Wait, so we had Decepticons just chillin' on the moon the whole time?

OK, here's a moment that I had a change of heart on.  When I first learned that Soundwave's alt-mode in DOTM was a Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG, I was pretty bummed.  I know it would be impractical for them to have made him any kind of audio device (I really wouldn't have wanted them to), but for him to be a car? Ugh.  However, when I saw how they used his alt-mode as a way to trap Carly, I thought, "Aaaaah, I see what you did there.  I can roll with this."  Besides, how can you be mad when he transforms like this?

One thing I have to give them props for is how the plot made two throwback references to some G1 storylines.  The first of which is the Season 2 multi-part episode, "Megatron's Master Plan".  In both the cartoon and here in the movie, the Decepticons convince the humans to banish the Autobots from Earth, leaving no one to stop them from taking over.

The last new Autobots to be introduced here are the Wreckers.  I had mixed feelings about them, but overall good.  They come across as the nasty, no-nonsense 'bots they are in the comic books, as they should.  And I loved how they were decked out in heavy machine guns.  As far their roster, I was cool with Topspin (middle) and Roadbuster (right), but I was like "huh?" with Leadfoot.  Ok, his alt-mode from G2 fits what they were going for vehicle-wise, but seeing how the other two they used weren't originally race cars, they could have kept it in-(Wrecker)house and gone with another ground-based Autobot, Sandstorm.

***CORRECTION:  Admitting a mistake here...  Leadfoot actually IS a Wrecker in G1.***

"I'll find my own ride home, sir"

- Sappy, pointless line by some random soldier.  

(And why did he get that random, awkward headshot?)

"Why do the Decepticons always get the GOOD $#!T?!?!"

- Sgt. Epps

Whattup, Big Perm?  I mean, Big WORM? *Smokey Voice*

The Decepticons' attempt to use the space bridge technology to bring Cybertron to Earth is another direct throwback to the G1 cartoon, this time to season 1.  The 'cons tried to do the same in the multi-parter "The Ultimate Doom."

Why does Starscream spit all the time?

G1 Bumblebee never woulda killed Soundwave.  Then again, G1 Bumblee wasn't a frickin' BEAST.

Prime came through and shut 'em down. #ONYX

Carly sure didn't do much action-wise, 

but she does more in one conversation than Mikaela ever did in the first two movies combined...

"Any minute now... You'll be nothing but Sentinel's B!T(#."

- Carly

In case y'all didn't know... Prime is a stone-cold KILLER...

- Roll OUT. -