If You Can't Handle Me At My Worst...

If I were a betting man, I'd be willing to bet that you have at least one female friend who either has the above quote from Norma Jeane Mortenson Marilyn Monroe in her social media page bio, and or has shared it several times.  It seems to be a very popular quote among women.  Heck, now days, sound bites have a good chance of becoming popular sayings simply off the fact that they came from the mouth of a celebrity.  People quickly accept these quotes as gospel, forgetting that the celebrities they come from are regular, flawed human beings just like us (who just happen to have more fame and money).  But that's neither here nor there. 

If I read the last half of this imfamous popular quote by itself, I can definitely agree with it.  People who truly want to be in your life and have you in theirs, be it platonic or romantic, will love all of you.  Flaws, quirks, redeeming qualities and all, they will accept you for who you are.  It's extremely selfish and prideful to only deal with the positives in people without being willing to deal with the negatives. 

When I read the quote as a whole, however, that's when I start to tilt my head and raise my eyebrow a bit.  Don't get me wrong; I get why so many women love this quote.  I understand how empowering it is to be able to just be yourself and have someone accept you as-is.  Few things provide more stress and place overbearing weight on your shoulders than trying to suppress who you really are and put on a front for people.  I get that.  But when this quote is the first thing I see on someone's page, I can't help but think of it as a warning sign.

Maybe I'm trippin', reading too deep into things as I can sometimes do.  But this quote can very easily be misconstrued into something that it's not.  I don't know very much about Marilyn, so I can't say I know where she was coming from with this.  Maybe the media person who took this quote pulled it out of a larger interview and all we're getting is a small piece of a larger sound bite, all out of context.  At any rate, my following comments and feelings are going to be aimed more at the quote itself as opposed to the originator.  

Reading the first part of this quote, I hear someone firing off a long list of flaws and shortcomings, which we all have.  And I have a large amount of respect for anyone who is self-aware enough to have come to grips with his or her own demons.  Most of us don't even see our own flaws, let alone admit to having them once we do.  Again, maybe I'm reading between lines that aren't even there in the first place, but if someone follows all that up with "but if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my very best", it comes across to me as if the person is saying "Yes, I'm a mess.  I know this.  And I'm not cleaning it up.  Deal with it."  

As I said earlier, anyone willing to have any interaction with you must be willing to deal with both the good and the bad.  However, my point is that it seems people want to use that point of this quote as an excuse to be emotionally lazy; to not improve upon their flaws and continue to grow.  It's more than ok, maybe even expected, for us to have baggage, drama and flaws in our lives.  But it's not ok for us to make no effort to work through these things, yet still expect someone else to put up with our foolishness.  It'd be different if  someone says "I know I'm x, y and z.  But I'm working on that.  In the meantime, you're going to have to be patient with me."  Aiight, maybe that much was implied in this quote and I'm just being an insensitive jerk, but I digress.  And yes, if someone can't put up with your worst, they don't deserve your best.  But ask yourself this:  is your best worth dealing with your worst?  Even if your best is worth your worst, you still owe it to yourself more than anyone to make improvements on your "worst."