Childhood Appreciation - Transformers: The Movie

As my frequent readers and Twitter followers all know by now, geekery is a habit for me.  It all started, of course, when I was much, much younger.  A child of the '80s, I grew up during a time when cartoons were "still good".  Voltron, G.I. Joe, Thundercats, Jem... (Yes, I will shamelessly admit that I religiously watched Jem.  G'on 'head and pick up your gavel. I care not.)  Those were the good ol' days.  However, for reasons I can't quite put my finger on, one cartoon in particular grabbed my attention and has never let go.  Since 1984, I have been an avid fan of The Transformers.

Long before Michael Bay got his grubby lil' hands on the franchise (I'll be chuggin' haterade and tackling that subject soon enough), the creators of the cartoon --Hasbro and Sunbow-- gave us one of the greatest animated movies of all time, Transformers: The Movie.  As a little kid, it didn't get much better than your favorite cartoon being on the big screen.  You know Hasbro had to have made a killing off of it as little crumbsnatchers and pre-adolescents everywhere dragged their parents to the theaters to see it.

I enjoyed every minute of the movie as a child, and still do as an adult.  However, as with most things we enjoyed in our childhood years, there are certain things that slip past you.  From animation errors, to plot holes, to things that just plain don't make sense even in a fantasy cartoon universe, there are things that the writers and animators counted on our young minds either not noticing or not caring about.  Watching the movie again as an adult, I've had quite a few "Wha? For real?" moments.  The following is a collection of those moments, awesome movie quotes, and other random thoughts that have occurred in my geekish mind while watching "Transformers: The Movie."

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We soooooo didn't see this coming...

- How do you let a planet, let alone one bigger than your own, sneak up on you?  How do you not see that coming?

- The inhabitants of Lithone seemed to know Unicron by name, so they obviously knew who he was and how much of a threat he posed.  You mean to tell me they didn't have any radar capabilities to issue a "Unicron Watch" or "Unicron Warning?"  Put the kids through "Unicron drills", maybe?

- Was I the only kid who watched the opening credits and thought, " Wreck-Gar?  Who the heck is Wreck-Gar?  And Galvatron?  Whatever happened to Megatron?  What, no Optimus Prime?  Not even Bumblebee?  AM I IN THE RIGHT MOVIE THEATER?!?!"

- Seriously, though... Did they really just make a generic movie about robots and slap the name "Transformers" on it?

- Ok, cool.  He mentioned Cybertron.  I can rest a little easier now.

- Just as the narrator says "from secret staging grounds on two of Cybertron's moons", Laserbeak swoops in undetected.  So much for "secret."

- Just my real-time speculation, but the Autobot shuttle had to have left Moonbase 1 at least an hour or so before the Decepticons left Cybertron.  So tell me how they caught up to the shuttle, seemingly without a ship of their own?  Am I to assume they caught a ride with Astrotrain, who was nowhere to be found in this scene?  #WeNeedAnswers

- Megatron rips the Autobot shuttle a new one.  Obvious hull breech.  I guess Autobot spacecraft are outfitted with the latest in anti-vacuum technology.  

- Ok, I know Megs is a beast and all, but how're they gonna have ol' uber-tough Brawn go out "one shot, one kill"?  I mean, he did get shot through the heart, but since when do Cybertronians have hearts, period, let alone hearts in the same place as a humans?

- Really, yo?  Prowl gets done in by Scavenger?  The 'con that all the other Constructicons picked on?  At least when Brawn died, it was Starscream holding Megs as a gun.  Scavenger only had a standard-issue laser pistol.  Ugh.

"Such heroic nonsense."  - Megatron

- A point-blank fusion cannon shot to the head.  Couldn't have been more cold-blooded if Megs had said, "Put yo mouf on the curb..."

- Something tells me that wasn't young Daniel's first time smashing a hoverboard...

- Notice the Autobots who are assisting Kup (L-R: Hound, Huffer, Bluestreak & Sunstreaker).  Some of them may make an unusual appearance later...

- Speaking of Kup, was it supposed to be obvious to us that his name is short for "Cybertronian Pickup Truck"?

- You know you were like "Aw, snap! IT'S ON NOW!!!" when you saw Autobot City transform.

Kup making roadkill out of Kickback's head = CLASSIC.

Animation error:  Both Rumble & Frenzy have Frenzy's (or, Rumble's, if you go off of the toyline) paint job.

I personally thought Blaster's spinning back kick to Ravage's face was pretty darn awesome.  

Pretty much every Transformers fan's thoughts upon seeing Blaster's cassette crew for the first time:  "FINALLY!!!"

Kinda sad seeing Windcharger & Wheeljack stretched out like that.

"I got better things to do tonight than die."
- Springer

"Their defenses are broken!  Let the slaughter begin!!!" - Megatron (Um, kinda late with that statement there, bro.)

Ah, the mighty Dinobots:  Grimlock, Slag, Sludge, Swoop, and Sn... Wait.  Hold up... Aren't we missing someone?

I don't think people fully grasp how BIG the Dinobots really are.  I mean, Grimlock is so big that Devastator was able to kick him in the stomach.

And when's the last time you saw Devastator have to use both hands just to pick up one Autobot?

Bull-rush by slag, FTW.

Animation Error:  remember we saw Hound & Sunstreaker earlier?  Somehow, they both made it back to Cybertron in time to leave on Prime's ship of reinforcements and arrive in this scene.  Riiiiiight.

"Megatron must be stopped... No matter what the cost."  

- Optimus Prime 

*Queue "The Touch"*

Thrust's reflection in Prime's grill before getting trucked = CLASSIC.

Blitzwing:  "Slag this. Y'ain't finna Jerome Bettis me like that."

- Prime's laser rifle had to have been the most average-looking weapon a hero ever had, but darn if it didn't get the job done.

"One shall stand, one shall fall."

- Optimus Prime

"Why throw away your life so recklessly?"

"That's a question you should ask yourself, Megatron."

- Megatron vs Optimus Prime

Prime has a nasty overhand right.

Lesson learned from Megatron: always have a spare light-saber handy, just in case your WMD-esque fusion cannon ever gets dislodged from your arm.

"You, who are without mercy, now plead for it? I thought you were made of sterner stuff."  
- Optimus Prime

- Say what you want, but Prime's death is all Hot Rod's fault.

Megs apparently has impeccable aim in the clutch (aka at no other moment in the entire series).  Three shots to the already inflicted abdomen wound, and one to the face.  Find me ONE other headshot anywhere in all 4 seasons.  #DontWorryIllWait

"I would have waited an eternity for this...  It's over, Prime."  - Megatron

Prime: gim PP

"NEVER!!!"

Notice how cramped that space is in Astrotrain's cargo area...

- There are few moments in movie history where it is widely accepted that it is ok for a man to cry.  Prime's death is one of them.

The Autobot Matrix of Leadership:  The original "Matrix."  Have a seat, Neo.

My Matrix theory:  Hot Rod wasn't "chosen", he just happened to be the first 'bot to touch it after it left Prime's hands.  We could just as easily had "Arceemus Prime" or "Kupimus Prime."

- Animation Error:  Ultra Magnus puts the Matrix up to his chest, and it just sits there in mid air as he opens his chest, then he takes it off of the imaginary platform its on, then puts it into his chest.

Prime's optic lights dim.  Fades to grey.  Head drops.  #Sadness

"Wait!  I still function!!!"  
"Wanna bet?" 
- Megatron vs Starscream

That "this fool, here..." look that Blitzwing & Thrust give each other as Starscream announces that Megs has... "Departed." = CLASSIC

"Soundwave: Superior.  Constructicons: Inferior"

- Soundwave

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING 'INFERIOR'?!?!" 
"No one would follow an uncharismatic BORE like you!"  

Bonecrusher & Hook

"Hey! No one calls Soundwave uncrazamatic!"  
"Yeah, let's kick tailgate!!!"

Rumble & Frenzy

How convenient that Blitzwing's cargo space was so claustrophobic before, but is now big enough for the Constructicons to form Devestator inside.

I never noticed Ramjet beatin' down Scrapper in the background. NICE.

"The point is, he's dead, and the Matrix died with him!"
"The point is, you are a fool."
- Megatron & Unicron

On-screen positioning dictates that Bombshell became Cyclonus.  However, considering that Cyclonus was fiercely --if not stupidly-- loyal to Galvaron as Skywarp was to Megs, but Bombshell was always a thorn in Megs' side, it makes more sense for it to have been Skywarp.

- Whatever happened to Cyclonus' "Armada"?

- Starscream was no weakling, but I really don't see how he emerged from that brawl as the winner.  Either all the Seekers & Triple Changers were on his side, or he sat back and chilled while everybody else took each other out.  

"Coronation, Starscream?  This is bad comedy."  

"MEGATRON? IS THAT YOU???"  

"Here's a hint." 

Galvatron vs Starscream

- Galvatron took all of two minutes to do what Megs should have done two seasons ago.

- Again, a large planet should not be able to sneak up on anyone.  That is some serious stealth technology right there.

- I wholeheartedly believe that Jazz made the word "ginormous" popular in this scene.  Ok, maybe not, but that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

- OOOOOH!!! Spike said a wordy-dirty!!!

Wait, is that Snarl?  Bro!!! Where ya been? -_-

A little flirtatious banter between Hot Rod & Arcee, I see.

Oh. Okay.  Looks like Arcee's giving Springer a lil' play, too.  I guess when you're the Smurfette of Cybertron, you gotta keep your options open. 

I love the Star Wars imagery going on with Hot Rod on the escape shuttle.

Ultra Magnus usually seems like the uptight, no-sense-of-humor type, but the "speak English please, not nerd" look he gives Perceptor is priceless.

Hot Rod's transformation sequence after fixing Kup makes him look like he's bone-breaking.

- I felt the same way about Wheelie as I did about Jar-Jar from Star Wars.  The moment I head him speak, I hoped someone would kill him.  And soon.  Brutally, preferably.  

"I have nothing but contempt for this court!"  

- Hot Rod

- Hot Rod & Kup were doing just fine in vehicle mode, running the Sharkticons all over and stuff.  Eh, I guess the writers had to keep it interesting.

Speaking of the Sharkticons, they look less like sharks and more like...  Like... I'm not even sure what to call them.

Maybe I'm naive, but I never picked up on the "Asian Biker Gang" stereotype they used with the Junkions.

"Bah weep, gra-na-weep, ninnibon."

"Bah weep, gra-na-weep, ninnibon?"

"Bah weep, gra-na-weep, ninnibon!"

"BAH WEEP, GRA-NA-WEEP, NINNIBON!!!"

- Hot Rod, Wreck-Gar & The Junkions

Wheelie somewhat redeemed himself in my mind w/ those b-boy moves he pulled off while everybody was partying.

Galvatron is rockin' the Matrix around his neck like a huge medallion.  Now all he needs is some shell-toes, a Kangol hat and a pair of four-finger rings that say "MEGA" & "TRON".

- We all had to figure that Unicron had a robot mode, but I think it was a case of "You think you know, but you have no idea."

- Really, Galvatron?  Unicron created you.  Blasting him in the face is like throwing a grape at him.

"Me, Grimlock KICK BUTT!!!"  

- Grimlock

- Funny how Daniel gets washed up to just the right place in Unicron's ginormous body, just in time to barely save his dad from a hot acid bath death.

- Hot Rod's hit and run tactics against Galvatron were pretty nice.  And necessary.  

- Rodimus must have had some "fastball special"-esque strength when he tossed Galvatron, knowing he landed on another planet later.  

For real, though... Rodimus Prime transforms into a Winnebego?!?!  This is the mid '80s, not the '70s, right?

"Till all are ONE!!!"