Today marks a special day in the history of "Random SMOOVEness." For today, I'm featuring my first ever guest blogger, Richie Deguia. @RichieDeguia and I share a common love for salsa dancing and putting our random thoughts on the internet. About a year and a half ago, he posted a note on Facebook that resonated with countless salser@s in our overlapping circles. It recently began to get some buzz again, so I decided I'd share it with you guys. There's not much, if anything, in his article that I don't agree with. So, without further ado, here is Richie's wonderfully expressed blog, "The PRKD-- The Puerto Rican Kitchen Dancer."
Before I start this blog, I would like to say that I know several Puerto Ricans that can dance their (butts) off. They put in the time and work and are phenomenal dancers that one day I strive to become. With that being said, our community has been invaded by what we have deemed the PRKD. The Puerto Rican Kitchen Dancer. Why that name you ask? Well, I will be more than happy to explain. Our Latin community has exploded over the last decade and is continuing to grow. Mostly Mexicans and Puerto Ricans. We didn't call it The Mexican Kitchen Dancer because most of them that do dance don't pat themselves on the back on how great of dancers they are not. Most of them wait for the next merengue or bachata song, pick out a target and proceed to molest them on the dance floor. I respect that. Now the Puerto Rican Kitchen Dancer sings to a different tune. First of all, they swear up and down that they can dance but have had no formal training whatsoever. I am assuming they feel they are blessed to dance due to lineage or by just being latino. All of my friends that can dance know very well that dancing is earned through hard work and sweat. We have to put ourselves through (crappy) drills that train our bodies to react a certain way when we want it to. When asked "Can you Salsa?", the common response is "I'm Puerto Rican, of course I can". Their dancing background usually consists of lessons taught in their mothers kitchen when they were the ripe age of 6. Family reunions or get together's are also another form of learning salsa as groups of non dancers teach other non dancers how to non dance.
Timing is never explained and everyone is taught to "feel" the music. Pronounced pausing while they dance, especially on counts 1 and 5 are very common to the PRKD. Dance floor etiquette is non existent when sharing the floor with a PRKD. Best believe you are going to catch a stray heel from the woman he is leading or a flailing limb, even though you are staying in your space. The PRKD is notorious for his overwhelmingly strong lead. Technique is thrown completely out of the window. In it's place, retard-like strength turns accompanied by off balanced footwork that becomes a recipe for sore shoulder soup (for the ladies). If you don't follow this limb destroying machine, he will look at you like you have no reason being on the same dance floor with him.
The PRKD is not limited to men. Women suffer from this disorder as well. A PRKD woman is VERY difficult to control on the dance floor. Be prepared to feel the burn if you are dancing with one of these women. One female PRKD is equivalent to dancing with 8 women that can dance well. Get ready for mad fits of frustration if you decide to embark on this dangerous mission. Because Puerto Rican women can be stupid hot, we tend to throw ourselves into the fire every so often. Have you ever tried to stir a pot of molasses with a toothpick? If not, that's what it's like to try to give a PRKD a left or right hand turn. As a lead, make sure you increase yours in order to get this female juggernaut around on the dance floor. And forget about fingertip dancing. Use hands. These women will easily snap a finger without hesitation and go about their merry way, as you scream like a little (girl) in agony. Keep it simple when dancing with these women or you will exert more energy than needed. Even that in itself can feel like a triathlon.
With all that being said, just be honest with people in life and don't brag about a skill you don't have. Skills are acquired, not passed down like a family heirloom.
Well said, Richie. Well said. Let the salsa-church say "Amen."
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