Chick Flicks & Salsa

"Chick Flicks & Salsa"
10.13.10


Even if you're a guy and you can't stand chick flicks, you've undoubtedly heard of the infamous movie and the book that it's based on, "He's Just Not That Into You." Being the inquisitive young man that I am, I've never shied away from books and magazines that were aimed towards helping women understand men. I figured, knowing what people are telling women about us men will do nothing but help. And hey, maybe I just might learn something about myself along the way. Anyway, I never got around to skimming the book during my many episodes of killing a few hours inside of Barnes & Noble or Borders. So, when I was flipping through the channel guide one night and found "He's Just Not That Into You" about to start, I thought "Eh... Why the heck not?" Yes, I do realize that my man-card is in danger of being suspended for admitting that I've watched this movie. Fellas, you'll have to forgive me for that one.

I will admit that I actually did enjoy the movie. I was both amused and irritated by what went down during the course of the story. For fear of allowing this blog entry to turn into a movie review or a personal rant about what's wrong with the state of male-female communication, I will elaborate on only one particular scene (0:00 - 2:40, http://youtu.be/mu7hgX-vzxc). Alex has explained to Gigi several times throughout the movie that if a guy is indeed "into her", he will make it clear without her having to do any guess work. However, Gigi mis-interprets Alex's advice-giving and other kind gestures as "signs" for them starting a relationship. Alex begins to rant about women constantly reading too deep into everything a guy does and twisting words and actions into something that isn't there. During this rant, he tells Gigi that "If a guy wants to date you, he will make it happen! He will ask you out." Alex had previously said many other similar things to Gigi, albeit with a less harsh delivery.

Ok, by now you're most likely wondering: "What the heck does this have to do with salsa?" Just like every guy has felt the same way that Alex felt at some point in his life, so have I. However, I've also felt this way while dancing. There have been countless times when a move that I attempt goes awry. Being the good lead that I am (or so I'm told), my normal reaction is to take responsibility for it and start with myself. I think to myself, "Ok, what did I do to make that go wrong? How can I lead that so that she gets it next time?" Of course, there are other times where the lady I'm dancing with does something that doesn't even come close to what I think (operative word) I lead. It is during those moments that my mind switches to Alex-mode and I'm thinking "What made you think I was telling you to do that?!?! What made you think I wanted you to turn? Did I tell you to go that way? I wasn't even trying to get you to do anything just now!"

It hit me one day as I was teaching a salsa boot camp. I was explaining to the ladies in the class what their mentality should be as they attempt to follow the guys that they will dance with. Putting myself out there, I made reference to the movie and told the ladies, "If a guy wants you to turn, he'll make you turn." If there are any budding salseras out there who are lost in the turbulent waters of the sea of following, heed my words. Salsa and most other partner dances were built so that the lady, the follower, does not have to think about what's going on. It's not for you to guess, predict, or anticipate what's about to happen. There are no "signs" involved. Don't react to what you see him do; react to what he leads you to do. It is up to the guy you're dancing with, the lead, to make it crystal-clear to you what is going on. If you don't feel lead to do something, if you are unsure, if there is any doubt, if there is any thought process involved with your next action, that means that either he is not leading it correctly, or he is not leading you to do anything at all. As I said earlier, the dance is built for you to do very little thinking, if any at all. Your job is to react. The moment you start thinking about it is usually the moment things start to fall apart.

If you follow this way, this forces the leads to lead clearly and deliberately. This will make them "step their game up", so to speak. Or at least the good ones, anyway. The good leads will do what I spoke of earlier and start with themselves to make sure that the botched move wasn't due to their own lack of technique. The bad leads, however, will most likely blame you for not knowing what you were supposed to do and not even consider the possibility that it could be their fault. As difficult as it may be, just ignore their cocky attitudes and allow it to make you grateful for the good leads out there.

So ladies, as you dance any type of partner dance, let your brain relax for 3-5 minutes and let the guy lead you. Take a break from analyzing everything and just go with the flow. Guys, don't be afraid to watch a chick flick or two. You'll be surprised what you'd learn ;-)